Part Eighty-six: Strange Days IV
Finally, after almost 48 hours, he is beginning to sleep better. He still wakes every hour or so, and the nightmares persist, but he's not screaming and he hasn't had any more of what he calls 'double features'. Mistress Loquinn thinks another 24-36 hours and it'll be safe to treat his injuries more aggressively. The topicals have worked fine to reduce the pain but they can't promote good healing the way a potion can.
His appetite is coming back as well. Everyone is bringing little treats to tempt him. Now that he can eat, he's almost afraid to, for fear of making himself sick. Q has let it be known that bite-size finger foods are preferred. Wufei brought homemade brownies; Trowa brought a small refrigerator stocked with nutritional drinks, sodas and iced teas. Tiffany and Moira brought little ready-to-eat containers of fruits and vegetables. Inazuma, Estaban and Enrique have all brought candy and ice cream. The kitchen staff sends little offerings of lumpia, cream cheese wontons and rice balls, because they know how much he likes those things. The IchiBan sends tiny trays of the sushi that Duo gorged himself on during our visit.
Giniro also sent a request to be informed when Duo would be able to have visitors. I've given up trying to decide if Q called her or if she called him. Q and my grandmother seem to have an oddly symbiotic relationship where I and now Duo are concerned. I'm... not sure what to make of it. But it made Duo smile, so I suppose I can forgive them their plotting.
The whole Castle knows that Duo was abducted, but Q has made sure that no one but the five of us knows exactly what happened to him. The accepted story is that his kidnapper was a deranged Mundane Human with an irrational fear/hatred of Magical Creatures. The world in general does not need to know that he was... assaulted. If he was. That determination is still in the hands of Dr French and sundry laboratories. On the one hand, I want to know; on the other, I don't want him to have to deal with it all over again. Q maintains we cannot hide from it, whatever the outcome, but I just want him strong and healthy again. I want the nightmares to stop. I want him to not be afraid. I want him to... to have his emotional balance back. I want him to know and to believe that none of it was his fault. I want him to... want me again...
I haven't left him alone for a moment. I think he will eventually pitch a fit over that, but I even look forward to arguing over it. I cannot help it right now; I am simply afraid to leave him. I've told myself I'm being absurd; that nothing can happen to him here... And then he wakes from another nightmare, panting, shaking, eyes wide with fear, and he reaches for me.
And damn me, but I *need* him to need me.
I have my work brought here so that I don't have to leave him. Wufei brought my computer and he and Trowa bring files and reports a couple times a day. Oddly enough, Wufei hasn't asked to see Duo. He hasn't knocked on Duo's door at all; going instead to my door to barely brush his knuckles over the wood, knowing I would hear him when Duo wouldn't. I think he feels guilty for letting Duo know that he hurt him. I've tried telling the idiot Dragon that it's nobody's fault, but he still manages to give me that strange indignant/ashamed look, as if I'm the one in denial here. Q has assured me that he will talk to the ridiculous Were-Dragon.
Trowa admitted to having the same blisters, but only on his chest. They form a rough outline of the place where Duo's hand landed when he pushed Trowa away from him. Trowa showed them to me, out in the hall. He also voiced the opinion that what Duo did is not normal for Banshees. I think I already guessed that; having had a first-hand look during the toad demon incident. I plan to ask Teal if he has ever heard of such ability. *sigh* Once I get up the nerve to actually talk to my angel's uncle.
I have never been a coward before, but right now, I am avoiding calling the elder Banshee out of nothing more than cold fear. Teal's regard means a great deal to me. I know he will have some strong words for me; I expect nothing less.
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The anticipated explosion of Banshee self-reliance came this morning. His sense of time has finally returned and with it he realised that I have been sitting with him all this time rather than going into the office. He was very... vocal about *his* need to have *me* return to my usual routine, so here I sit. I have done my best to keep my mind on my work these past couple of hours, but it is difficult. I am... jumpy. Everyone in the large room has been avoiding me almost fearfully.
A soft chime sounded from the far side of the room; a call on our Magical line. Inazuma was leaping that way even before the chime faded. It's nice to see that my lectures have done some good.
The River Elf is not a slacker, but he's young, almost as young as Duo, and tends toward being scatterbrained at times. His father is a Third Son, so Zuma has been rather indulged. It isn't that he doesn't do his job; more like he just needs an occasional nudge to send him in the proper direction.
Inazuma has been very good this week, though; taking on new assignments without hesitation and following up as best he can on Duo's cases. He adores Duo; he seems to look up to him as he might to an older brother, in spite of Duo being several years younger.
Something in his face catches my attention as he turns from the brazier. His eyes find mine and he looks... strained. He waggles his fingers, meaning, I suppose, that the call is for me. But he meets me halfway as I cross the room.
"Heero," he whispers anxiously, "It's Duo's uncle."
Teal. Crap. I still haven't figured out how to tell him. I guess I will just have to hope that he does not have the ability to reach through the fire for me.
"Thank you, Zuma. Take a break. And take the others with you, please." The others in the room must have been listening; they were out the door instantly and I was left alone to face Duo's uncle.
He was not gentle.
"Heero," he snapped immediately. "Why isn't Duo answering his phone? And why is he not at work?"
"Teal... We've had a problem," I began, only to see his face go dead white. "Duo is okay," I said quickly, cursing my delivery. He glared at me.
"Dammit, Heero!" he snarled. "I want to know what the hell is going on!"
~ Well, that makes two of us, doesn't it? ~ hissed that voice in the back of my head. I slapped it down and took a breath.
"First, Duo is okay; do not worry about that. There was... an incident. We don't really know the 'why' of it yet..." And I proceeded to tell him what had happened. He didn't interrupt me, but his shock and anger showed clearly in his darkening eyes and the hard set of his mouth. I looked into those eyes and spared nothing, certainly not myself.
"And that's where we are now," I finished with a sigh. "It is my fault; he should not have been alone. You trusted me to take care of him and I failed." The hitch in my voice surprised me. I realised then just how very much the elder Banshee's approval means to me.
Silence hung between us for an eternity. I was not surprised that he was angry with me; I was furious with myself.
"How did he meet this female?" he asked finally.
That I could answer, having asked Duo the same question. "Apparently, she complimented his hair one day in town, and he felt sorry for her. She looks -- and acts -- like a mouse, always in the shadows, all dull and insignificant."
"You saw her?"
"At the sheriff's station; yes."
"And she is still alive?" I couldn't read what he was saying. Was he hoping that she was or that she wasn't?
"Yes," I said simply.
"Good. I want five minutes with her." His expression was dark.
"I'm sorry, Teal," I said softly. "I have failed both of you."
He blinked at me. "Heero, I won't say that it's all right; I'm too upset right now. But you are not super-human -- pardon the expression -- you can't be everywhere, every minute. For one thing, Duo wouldn't stand for it." He scrubbed his hands over his face wearily. "When I see you, I may have some choice words, but right now, I'm just glad he's safe again and not hurt any worse."
I exhaled a breath I hadn't realised I was holding. "Will you come?"
"I- I can't right now. Dammit," he muttered to himself. "There have been some nasty storms in the area. Merry Brook has suffered a great deal of damage and the roads are mostly impassable. I can't take Dael out in these conditions."
"I could send a porter," I offered hesitantly, but he shook his head slowly.
"There are injuries here, and several deaths... I am... needed..."
Just the way he said it scared me. "Teal, not your mother?"
"No... Her sister and the sister's granddaughter..."
"Teal, I'm so sorry! Of course, you must stay." I gathered my scattered wits. "Is there anything we can do? Any help we can send? I know Q would be more than willing..."
"No, Heero; thank you." He rubbed at his eyes again. "We have enough help; it's just the emotional fallout now... Dammit, I wish I could be in two places at once."
"I wish you could be also," I sighed. "Too bad we don't have a time turner."
He gave me an indecipherable look and just shook his head. "Later, Heero. Have Duo call me. I need to hear his voice."
"Of course." His image vanished and the flames settled back to their usual height.
He hadn't yelled at me; he hadn't blamed me; he hadn't even been noticeably angry with me. I should have felt relieved. I only felt even more craven and ineffectual.
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It wasn't even lunchtime when Heero showed up again. I'd been awake for about an hour that time and was idly working a jigsaw puzzle. I looked up when the door opened, ready to glower and growl at him, but he strode straight to where I sat and held out his cell phone.
"Teal would like to speak to you," he said abruptly.
I think my jaw dropped. I really and truly had not even thought about telling Teal yet. I was still trying to get through the part where I tell myself.
"What?! I can't talk to him yet! Heero -!"
"Tough shit," he snapped unhelpfully. "I had to talk to him an hour ago; now it's your turn. He's been calling for three days and he's frantic."
I took the phone and saw that the little red light was on. Oh, crap...
"Um... Teal...?" I began hesitantly.
"Finally! Bloody blast, Duo! Why didn't you call me?!"
I opened my mouth; closed it. Swallowed, cleared my throat. Started to cry. My uncle, my only male kin...
"Teal..." I whimpered and just wanted to slap myself.
He didn't make me carry the conversation, though; instead he asked questions and waited patiently for me to answer, and then soothed me with encouraging noises. He didn't tell me what a fool I was. He never mentioned the forbidden 'R' word. He never blamed Heero for any of it.
Through it all, Heero sat in the chair, staring bleakly out the French doors. It's not his fault; I wish to hell he'd stop acting like he handed me over to the enemy himself.
"Teal," I managed finally. "You didn't yell at Heero, did you?" I asked. Heero swiveled around to stare at me.
Teal snorted. "I may have yelled, but not *at* him. Don't be silly, Duo; it was not his fault that female is deranged. Nor yours either," he said briskly. "I will come as soon as we can leave here. I want you to obey the healers' orders; you are not in a position right now to judge your own health."
I nodded, then realised what I'd done and said quietly, "Okay; I'll listen."
"I didn't say you should *listen*; I said you should *obey*. Don't try splitting hairs with me, youngster," he said sternly. I found myself smiling; god, I love him. Why couldn't he have been my father?
"All right then," he growled. "Take care, darlin'. Listen to that Dragon; he knows what he's doing. I love you."
"I love you, too..." My damn throat closed up and I squeaked to a halt.
"It'll be all right, sweetheart. See you soon. Goodbye." He hung up before I could choke out a reply.
I laid the phone down and buried my face in my hands; Heero was beside me in a heartbeat.
"It's going to be okay, baby," he whispered and I let him pull me into his arms and onto his lap to be rocked and petted. I couldn't even be upset at the pet name. He could call me any damn thing he wanted as long as he stayed and put up with me.
I didn't cry, but I was so emotionally wrung out that I fell asleep in his arms. For once, there were no vile dreams to taunt me.
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A soft knock on my door roused me from my doze. I pushed myself up from my pillow to call hoarsely, "Who is it?"
"Q," replied my friend.
"Come on in; it's not locked," I called. I flopped back down into the bedclothes; it didn't matter if Q saw me like this.
The blond Wizard appeared beside the bed and I had to blink. I couldn't remember ever seeing Q in full magical drag, yet here he was, tricked out in robe, cloak and tall pointed hat.
"Special occasion?" I wondered, attempting a smile.
Q lifted one eyebrow in an elegant shrug. "I have a meeting and I want to intimidate."
"Take Heero along; he's good at that."
"Mmm... Maybe a little too good in this case." He drew up a chair and perched on the edge of the seat. "Duo," he began, getting right to the point, "Dr French has the results of the tests. She would like to explain them to you. Do you feel up to it?"
Oh... shit.
I'd almost managed to forget about that.
What a lovely choice. Did I want to be a rape victim or a cold-blooded murderer? Decisions, decisions...
I was wimpishly glad that Heero wasn't here. I kind of expected that I would not acquit myself with any sort of decorum just now, and I really didn't want him to see me falling apart again.
I'd practically pushed him out the door that morning to go to the office. I'm getting better; the drugs are washing out of my system slowly but surely. Yeah, I'm still ridiculously tired and I still hurt in places I'd rather not think about, but I'm dealing. And yes, I had a bad day yesterday when I talked to Teal. I spent the better part of that afternoon either asleep or crying for no good reason that I can find, except that I just couldn't turn it off. Gods, maybe if I just cry and cry and cry, the drugs will *finally* get out of me! It pisses me off to no end that I have no control. That's another thing about Julie's betrayal that just nags at me.
Mistress Loquinn explained to me that she dare not try any of the usual healing potions until the drugs are completely gone, so I'm... dealing. Much as I enjoy being cuddled and held, I am not made of glass; I can spend a day alone without dissolving into a quivering puddle of misery. Besides, if I'm not crying like a damn waterfall, I'm sleeping. There's no reason for Heero to sit here watching me sleep. And there's nothing he can do for the bloody crying. The nightmare has become almost familiar. I mostly wake up startled now instead of screaming. I can walk to the bathroom without help. There is a cute little refrigerator tucked under my table, filled with tempting goodies. And that little episode of shared laughter, mostly at Wufei's expense, helped me start pulling the shreds together again. I'm still wobbly, still a little disoriented, but it's getting better.
Or was, until I had to think about Dr French and her tests. That started me shaking for some stupid reason. Q put his hand on my shoulder, rubbing lightly, and I felt better.
"I guess so..." Well, didn't that sound decisive?
"She has to turn the results over to the sheriff's office, Duo, but she wanted you to hear it from her personally, in case you have questions. If you're up to it."
I swallowed and reminded myself that I can take care of myself; I am not a helpless wuss. Not normally, anyway.
"Okay," I said before I could change my mind. "Give me a few minutes to put some clothes on."
"You needn't dress up for her," he suggested kindly. "She is a doctor."
My face got hot and I'm sure it was a very colorful heat. "I'd just feel better if I was dressed," I muttered.
"All right, Duo," he said gently. "I'll get her. Fifteen minutes?"
"Yeah... That should be good."
I didn't just get dressed. I coiled my hair up on top of my head and took a quick shower. Then I combed out and rebraided my hair, pulled on a pair of jeans -- noting that they were a damn sight looser now than last week -- and a cotton sweater. I was just straightening the sleeves when Q knocked on the door again.
Dr French was also in full drag. I wondered if Q's meeting involved the sheriff's department. I didn't really want to go there, though, so I just kept my mouth shut.
I sat in the chair in front of the French doors, letting Q and Dr French take the loveseat. Any weird things my face might do would be less apparent with the light behind me.
That would be why it took me a few seconds to register the sudden look of startlement on Dr French's face just as she opened her mouth to begin. I glanced over my shoulder to find Heero reaching for the French doors; he must have landed on the balcony. He's done that before, gone flying for whatever reason and landed on my balcony like some monstrous pigeon looking for a handout, scratching on the doorframe to be let in. This time the doors weren't locked.
"Heero," said Q easily. "You're just in time."
My scary lover glared, first at Q, then at Dr French. Then he turned the modified version on me. It said plain as words, 'why did you not call me?' Since the only answer I could muster would be 'because I'm embarrassed,' I didn't bother saying anything.
"I'm glad," he growled, seating himself beside me on the arm of the chair. "Good day, Dr French," he managed politely.
The Witch doctor was not phased in the least by his glare.
"Good day, Mr Yuy. I'm glad you were able to join us."
Heero snorted and just waited.
Dr French gave him a narrow-eyed look. "Lovely." She turned her attention to me. "I have mixed news, Duo."
I tried my best not to react; to wait for the actual news, not the news about the news.
"We were able to match DNA to... to the person at the cabin. You were indeed assaulted."
I went cold. Icy, frozen, glacier-cold. My vision fluttered, then stabilized. The cold seemed to be muffling sound; I could barely hear her.
So, I am officially a Victim. I was raped. I killed him in self-defense. Wow. Yippee. Good thing.
He... he had me... while I was drugged unconscious. He hurt me and I hurt him back...
I shuddered. Heero wrapped his arm around me pulling me against his side. He may have said something... I was kind of busy watching the silent videos playing on the inside of my skull... Oh, look... Ferret-face is unzipping my jeans... and he's sticking his hand down my pants... and... and... I'm screaming...
"Duo!"
I heard that voice; I tried to answer, really I did, but I was just too mesmerized by the snuff film in my head.
The weasel was right there, in my face. And then... he wasn't. And I hurt.
"*Duo!*"
Something smacked my face and I gasped. My vision refocused on three very upset-looking people.
"Goddess, Duo!" Heero exclaimed with relief. He let go of my arms. He must have shaken me as well, I realised; I felt a little unsettled, a little ruffled.
"Um... Sorry about that," I mumbled. "Lost the thread for a minute." I looked at the doctor. "What were you saying?"
"Duo!" said Heero again, and I looked at him.
"What?" Damn; there was enough free-floating anxiety in the room to support a Paxil factory.
Heero just stared at me; he had the *oddest* expression... Q said gently, "Duo, you were... 'lost' for a good bit more than a 'minute.'"
Heero had wrapped me in his arms again; I murmured against his chest, "Sorry. I'm okay. Really." I am such a liar...
"Baby..." he breathed in my ear. He proceeded to raise *my* anxiety level by nibbling at my earlobe. "You... you scared me..."
"But I'm back now," I began tentatively. And to the doctor, "Please continue."
~~Please, please tell me something that won't turn my stomach.~~
The woman tried, I have to give her that. Of course, she didn't have a whole lot to work with.
"Um..." Dr French regarded me warily for another moment and then looked back at the papers in her hand. I wondered idly which part was supposed to be the good news, because she seemed to be having trouble with all of this.
"Would you like me to... to explain, Doctor?" Q murmured. He didn't look that eager to help; more like just being polite and hoping she wouldn't take him up on it. I had a feeling I wasn't going to get my wish.
"No, thank you, Q," she said firmly. "This is my job." She straightened and spoke directly to me.
"Duo, are you familiar with the sexual practice known as 'fisting'?"
I blinked. "Sort of..." I admitted. Yeah, I'd heard of it, but mostly third or fourth hand. No one I knew had ever actually done that; it didn't sound all that much fun to me, and I wasn't up for stuff that wasn't fun. Forceful or commanding I don't mind; Heero is very much both of those things, but I don't want someone to hurt me. I've always stayed firmly on the 'pleasure' side of that line.
Dr French had apparently borrowed my spontaneous combustion trick. She drew a deep breath and finished rapidly, "We think that's what he did to you. We have the DNA and the internal damage to prove it, so the detectives will just have to back off!"
Oh... So that's why I hurt so much... Why I still hurt...
Q made a very un-Q-like sound. Heero snarled above my head. The doctor... looked outraged.
I'm not sure how I felt. I mean, now I knew what it took for me to kill someone in self-defense. I knew what it felt like to be raped. Beyond that, I just... wondered. I wondered if that would be considered rape with a foreign object. I wondered what she meant by 'damage.' I... I wondered if he washed his hands first...
I wondered why I wasn't falling apart. I wondered how many people knew. I wondered why me? Oh, I *really* wondered about that...
And I wondered if Heero's grip on me would break my ribs or just bend them...
"Okay," I said after some time had passed. Couldn't even give you a guess as to how much time. The others were quite nice this time about letting me process the mess without interruption. "Okay. Thank you, Dr French, for telling me personally..." Damn, they were all looking at me strangely. "I... Um... I really feel like I need to lie down for a while..." I couldn't move until Heero let go of me; obviously, that wasn't going to happen in this lifetime. "Heero... please?"
"Duo... angel," he breathed. "Please..."
"You-you need to get back to the office," I tried. "I'll be fine; I just need to lie down and rest..."
"I am not leaving you."
"Heero..."
"I AM NOT LEAVING YOU!"
Both Q and Dr French jumped at that thunderous declaration. I froze. Instinct says that when a predator shows up, become one with the landscaping and maybe he'll pass on by. Right.
I reared up on my hind legs, figuratively speaking, and snapped back. "I'm only going to lie down, dammit! I'm not fucking suicidal! I just wanna *think*! *Alone*!"
Apparently, bringing up the 'S' word was a... not really smart thing.
Heero roared. Only word for it. A wave of something -- panic, maybe -- washed over me and I tried to get away from him. He wouldn't let me go. I struggled; he held onto me with that impossible strength of his.
Voices were raised, but I couldn't focus on the words. I had to get *away*!
"Let me go!" I shrieked, twisting and flailing wildly. "Goddess, let *go* of me!"
And for an instant, I saw Ferret--face and felt his filthy hands wandering over my body. I screamed. And then things got really confused.
Man, I really wish I could just wake up normal again.
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I *knew* I wasn't being over-protective. Q and the doctor from the hospital were there in his room. I glared at both of them before seating myself beside Duo. He cast me one of those eyes-rolling-without-actually-rolling looks, so I glared at him too. I don't understand why he's being so closed-mouthed about this. I love him, I want to be here; I want to help, but he continues to act as if what happened to him has nothing to do with me.
It has *everything* to do with me. He is my Chosen; mine to protect, mine to love. He is my Chosen; I am his to command. He should not have been alone and vulnerable; I should have been with him. Wufei -- damn him anyway -- is not wrong in that. It *is* my fault.
Clearly, the doctor did not have good news; she fidgeted to the point that Q even offered to deliver it for her. He didn't like it any better, but he is a gentleman, and conditioned to chivalry. The news, when finally delivered, stinks.
They now have their proof that Duo acted in self-defense; the authorities cannot continue with their ridiculous charges. But the flip side of that is that yes; my angel was assaulted.
Duo's face went blank, his eyes glassy and unseeing. I called his name; I even shook him. He didn't respond to anything. It scared me to see him turned so far inward that he didn't even hear us. I had to slap his face to bring him back.
And then he tried to pretend that he wasn't... wasn't... I don't know what he wasn't. Scared, angry, sad? I couldn't tell... He seemed... perplexed. As if he didn't quite understand, or couldn't make sense of the doctor's words. The doctor managed to give the details of the damage that filthy cockroach had caused, but Duo was zoning out again.
When he came back that time, he was unnaturally calm and subdued. He thanked the doctor and Q for bringing him the information. He told me I should go back to work. He said he was going to lie down.
I told him no; I was not going to leave him. He argued. He insisted there was nothing to be concerned about; he was only going to rest, he was not suicidal. His mention of that word just... freaked me out. Why would he even use that word, if he wasn't thinking of it, and why would he have been thinking of it, if not in contemplation? I roared; he tried to pull away from me. I held on; he fought me. Then he screamed, and the world went... fuzzy.
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Note to self... When Duo says "Let me go," let him *go*.
Duo was on the bed, asleep or unconscious, when my vision cleared. Q was sitting beside him, stroking his bangs gently. Dr French was digging in her bag, muttering to herself about the apparent idiocy of certain overly-possessive Dragons. I assume she meant me.
I sat up, groaning in the process. I felt like I'd gone a couple of rounds with an angry werewolf, but all my parts appeared to be still attached.
"What the hell," I muttered. Q put out a hand to steady me.
"Heero," he said seriously. "I really must insist that you accede to Duo's wishes from now on when he wants to be alone. I cannot afford to have my best investigator residing in a bucket in the freezer."
I blinked at him, not immediately understanding. The doctor took hold of my wrist, startling me, but when I tried to pull away, her grip was like steel.
"Hold still, big boy," she snapped. "Unless you want to spend a couple of days as a blistered wonder."
"Huh?"
She turned my hand over; the hand that had been gripping Duo's arm when the world suddenly got vague.
Blisters. Hundreds of blisters. Just like Trowa. Just like Wufei.
"Shit!" I hissed. "Get rid of them! Get rid of them *now*!"
"That's what I'm working on," she snarled. "Now hold the hell still, dammit!"
"Does he know?" I demanded. "He can't know about this! He'll freak out!"
"Heero," said Q firmly. I looked at him. "He doesn't know, and he won't. That's why I put him to sleep. We're going to let him think that it was a final parting shot from the drugs. By the time he wakes -- in about three hours?" He glanced at the Witch for confirmation and she nodded absently, still working on my hand. "By the time he wakes, your hand will be good as new, and he will never know he did anything." He combed his fingers through my Banshee's bangs. "And when he is ready, I will see to some more extensive evaluations. He has a power of some sort; he needs to know what it is, what it does, and how to control it, before something terrible happens. Again."