Part Eighty-Five: Strange Days III
Finally, really home; my own room home. And I felt like someone had cut my strings. Or opened the drain and let all my energy, anger and fear run right out.
Things are a little hazy from that point. As near as I can remember, Heero took me into the shower and scrubbed me down, then we shifted to soaking in the big old-fashioned tub, where he held me and combed out my hair and rubbed my shoulders and damn near purred in my ear.
Now that I finally had the chance, I didn't feel like eating; recent events had conspired to make me feel slightly queasy and the thought of food just didn't offer any real joy. But I was thirsty; hiking-through-the-Sahara-under-the-blazing-sun thirsty. I probably swallowed a pint of water under the shower.
Once I was curled up in my own bed, I started on tea. Heero called the kitchen and requested cookies and milk, and I did manage to eat two peanut butter cookies along with the milk.
After that, I guess I fell asleep. I have to assume so, from the nightmares that carried me off. I woke up gasping, and found myself sitting on the floor of the cabin, a ferret-faced man leaning over me with a handful of chains.
I howled, and scuttled backwards in panic.
Right off the bed, onto the floor. Whacked my head on the nightstand, bruised my elbow, and about gave Heero a coronary.
He was all over me instantly, checking for injuries, while I just sat there trying to figure out what the hell had just happened.
I'd had a nightmare and woken up. To another nightmare. And then I shocked myself out of that one... Damn. I could do without the package deal.
My heart was pounding like the proverbial trip hammer; I wanted to yell at it to stop that, but I didn't exactly trust my voice. I was perfectly safe, in my own room, Heero wrapped around me like a damn blanket. What the hell was this all about?
And just as I finished that thought, that rotten, miserable little shit-voice whispered, ~ Are you *suuure*? Maybe this is all part of the package... ~
I just...lost it. Started screaming. Fought my way out of Heero's embrace. Fell over furniture. Fetched up, gods only know how much later, in a sobbing, sweating, shaking ball on the floor.
Things...happened then. I think I remember Q and Mistress Loquinn. I remember feeling something sharp and pungent on my skin. Every time I tried to lift my head, it swam with dizziness. The room itself tilted and wavered. Things...changed. The painting over the loveseat, a benign landscape, morphed slowly into a body-strewn battlefield. A face appeared at the window, bloody, wretched, and screaming silently. Rats by the hundreds scurried across the floor and through the walls.
I couldn't tell what was real and what was in my head. There were voices, sounds, noises that distracted and startled me. Visions and flickers and... oddly colored lights that turned everything weird and grotesque. I don't know how long it lasted, but when I finally opened my eyes to a normal, quiet room, the shadows and the quality of light said that it was afternoon.
I hurt from the tip of my braid up to the top of my head and back down to my toes. My eyes hurt, my wrists hurt, my back hurt. My elbows, my knees, the back of my neck ached as if they should have been on fire. I felt like I'd been drop-kicked from Adak to Tierra del Fuego and back again. My stomach alternated between growling that it was hungry and dire warnings of what would happen if I tried to feed it.
I shifted my position experimentally and moaned when everything decided to hurt *more*.
"Baby?"
I rolled my head on the pillow that felt like a brick, and saw Heero kneeling next to the bed.
"Hey..." I breathed. He looked... like I felt.
"Are... are you... okay?" he asked hesitantly.
Was I? Probably not, but I sure wasn't going to say that to him.
"Oh, boy," I sighed instead. "Feel like I was run down by a truck." My throat was sore, I noticed, and I had a rather disconcerting sense of loneliness. Ridiculous, because he was right there, next to me.
Maybe not, though. He was *there*, but he wasn't touching me. His fingers were worrying the sheet, creasing and smoothing a small section. He'd been doing it long enough that the fabric looked limp and worn.
"Are *you* okay?" I asked, trying to get a closer look at him. "Can I have a drink?" It actually hurt to talk, I realised.
He scrambled to his feet. "I'm sorry, baby! Of course you can!"
He darted into the bathroom while I lay there blinking at the... what? Anxiety? Fear? Guilt? Dragons... And he claimed *I* was hard to keep up with.
"Heero," I croaked when he came back with a glass of cold water. "What the hell happened to me?" He held the glass, angling the straw to make it easier for me to drink, and didn't answer me.
"Heero?" He wasn't meeting my eyes; for Heero that's like a neon sign proclaiming guilt. And he still hadn't so much as brushed his fingers against my skin.
Conclusions, good and bad, abounded in my pathetic little mind; I immediately leaped to the nearest one.
"Oh, gods," I moaned. "You hate me now!" I could hear that rotten little voice laughing fit to choke in the back of my head. Much more and it would be rolling on the floor pointing at me. I did the only thing that came to mind; I tried to cover my ears. I say 'tried' because I could barely lift my arms. Clearly, I would not enjoy the opportunity to run to the bathroom to hide.
"*Aaaah!* I *do not* hate you!" he yelled. "Stop that! Don't you dare think that!" he snapped.
"Then why aren't you *touching* me?!" I wailed.
He froze, staring at me, his mouth hanging open in shock. "I... I... You- you screamed when I tried to hold you," he whispered. "I thought... I thought it was hurting you." His fingers drifted cautiously over to mine and crawled slowly up my fingers to my hand. His eyes never left my face. "You were screaming and thrashing around... You didn't recognize anyone. Mistress Loquinn said not to do anything to set you off again."
So it wasn't only hallucinations.
"Heero," I said with what seemed like remarkable calm, "What is wrong with me?"
He swallowed, looking down at his hand covering mine. "You were drugged... They drew blood to run tests. Mistress Loquinn and Dr French think it may have been something called Flunitrazepam or 'rohypnol'. It's a 'club drug'. Some Humans --" his lips curled in a silent snarl "-- apparently think it is acceptable to give it to others, so that they can have sex with them unawares."
Something niggled in my mind. I closed my eyes, trying to coax it closer. Damn, my thoughts were all over the place. Settle down! I wanted to scream. Stand still so I can find you!
"'Roofies'," I said after a moment. "Goddamn it! She slipped me roofies! Fuck!" Things were suddenly beginning to drop into place; little mental dominos falling neatly into a pattern I really did not like.
Heero's fingers tightened on my hand; his eyes looked scared. I stared at him, thinking inanely, Holy shit! I've managed to scare a Wyvern! Oh my goddess...
And then I realised that it didn't hurt to have him holding my hand. It felt damn good, in fact.
"Heero, gods... Please," I gasped, and tried unsuccessfully to reach for him. He made a sound I've never heard before, and suddenly I was in his arms, or he was wrapped around me, or we were merging into one being or some damn thing like that. I discovered that my hand was apparently the only part of me that didn't hurt, but I didn't fuckin' care. I just know that it was the best damn pain I'd ever felt, and I was not letting go of what little grip I had on him, not for all the gold in Elfdom, as Inazuma says.
"Don't let go," I begged, my face hidden against his shoulder. "Please, just don't let me start falling again..."
"I won't," he growled, and then, in a whisper I barely recognized: "I was so afraid you wouldn't come back... I was afraid their damn drug would... would kill you..."
"Not gonna kill me," I swore, "But I might have to kill someone else..." Dammit, why did she *do* that to me?! I thought we were friends.
Little pictures were beginning to flash in my head. I saw her handing me the drink, and apologizing for it being diet. I saw trees and teasing glimpses of houses flashing past me. I saw a guy with a narrow, pointed face, much closer than any stranger should have been to me. Tactile memory was also returning, dammit. Memory of hands and touches and being helpless to avoid or fight back. Helpless... Goddammit, I hate being helpless! They would pay! Or... someone would... Vaguely, I recalled something about that... Something important. But it wouldn't come out where I could see it. I tried to concentrate, to pull up that picture. Dammit, everything else was dancing around in my head like a fucking frat party full of hamsters; why couldn't I see that one thing?!
"Duo... Baby..."
Heero was speaking to me, I realised; had been for at least several seconds. I jerked my attention out of my head and back to the real world, and saw that my grip on his shirt had turned into a twisted stranglehold. He looked... distinctly uncomfortable.
"S-sorry," I stammered, and turned my attention to getting my fingers to loosen up and stop trying to hang him with his own shirt.
"Don't," he returned softly. "I understand."
"I'm glad somebody does," I muttered. "Heero, I'm missing so many things, I feel like Swiss cheese. Can you please, *please* tell me what happened?"
"Baby..."
"And stop calling me that! Dammit, we went through all that months ago! I'm not a little kid! Right now, I need to know what happened and since my own head won't cooperate, you're gonna have to!" I was panting by the time I finished, and he held the glass of water for me again. This time I sucked it dry. "Just stop being sorry for me and help me understand what happened!"
Okay, I was taking out my frustration on him, and it certainly wasn't his fault. I couldn't help it right then; I was scared and floundering around in the dark this way was just not helping.
A knock on the door made me start violently. Heero growled in annoyance.
"Ignore it; they'll go away."
I actually laughed, but it didn't sound very good. "Are you crazy? After what happened?! Of course they won't go away! Answer the damn door, Heero!"
He gave me a look that would have sent Magical Creatures, Humans and most Wizards and Witches diving for cover. But he disentangled himself from me to answer the door.
Damn. I'd forgotten that little detail. Well, hopefully, he would come back and hold me again.
Why was I not surprised that it was Wufei at the door? Past experience, maybe?
Heero wouldn't let him in; he stood with the door only half open, both of them speaking in low voices. Ordinarily, it pissed Heero off to no end to have Wufei hovering around me the way he does sometimes; it told me just how bad things had been, that they were both behaving like civilized beings.
I took those minutes to struggle into a partially upright position against the pillows. I was panting from the exertion by the time I was vertical, but I felt more in control when I wasn't flat on my back.
I could see the door easily, and I just watched the two Dragons while I waited for my heart to stop its furious racing.
How... odd. There seemed to be a wisp of fog easing around their legs and sliding into the room. I've heard of weird weather phenomenon, but not usually indoors. Maybe someone left the corridor door open.
I watched it drift across the room, pausing here and there like a dog checking the terrain, and wondered at what could cause a fine mist to behave so... Ah-ha! Now I understood! It was a hallucination! The drugs were still in my system, still tweaking away at my mind, and I was seeing things again. Well, okay; I could deal with that, now that I knew what it was.
The little mist-cloud of misfiring neurons wandered about at random, checking out my closet and the bathroom, pausing for a moment at the balcony door, then drifting under and around the desk. It paused again at my wall of pictures, its edges rippling gently. It reminded me somewhat of a manta ray that I'd seen at Sea World once. As hallucinations went, I'd take this one over the rats and the screaming lampshades any day.
Then it shivered, and began to change shape, spreading upwards, almost like it was unfolding. As it did so, it began to move toward the bed; toward me. I suddenly didn't feel so calm. I glanced at the door; Wufei and Heero were still talking quietly.
The mist had expanded to a man-sized cloud, still moving toward me. It wasn't a uniform color anymore, either. Spots had appeared. Two spots. About the right size and in the right place to be eyes.
"Um... Heero...?" My throat was suddenly dust dry. "Heero!" A tendril reached for me. I scrabbled backwards with nowhere to go. "*Heero!* Get it away!" I threw my arms up over my head, twisting away from that inquiring bit of insubstantial ether.
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I knocked on Duo's door a little before dusk. I had no intention of bothering him, or of -- surprise! -- irritating Heero, but I just wanted to *know* that the Banshee was okay, or at least recovering. He had been so... out of it in the infirmary; so lost and confused. At least... that's what I remember.
After all he's been through; I just have to see for myself. Trowa tells me to leave it alone; that Heero is with him, and I am not needed. If there is anything I need to know, he says; someone will tell me. And if not, then it's none of my business.
And cats are supposed to be so curious. In a pig's eye!
Well, I'm a Dragon; my kind are hardwired to protect what is ours.
Ah, you say; but Duo is not mine! Well, he may not be in my arms or my bed, but he is certainly in my heart, and *that* makes him mine to protect.
We would not be in this mess right now, I had declared to Trowa, if Heero were a little less of one and a little more of the other. Duo should not have been roaming the town alone. He should have been accompanied, protected. Who knew what could happen?
Hmph! We know *now* what could happen.
Trowa insisted that I owe Heero an apology for even *thinking* that he was negligent in his care of the Banshee to let this happen. Trowa also pointed out that by blaming the Wyvern; I am saying that Duo is incapable of caring for himself. I don't think that at all, but I can't seem to get past my anger. Trowa seems to think I'm just being generically pissy. Maybe, just *maybe* he's right. I suppose it can't hurt to apologize. Words cost nothing, after all.
So, I was here to apologize to the Wyvern, for the thoughts I'd had, as well as to inquire after Duo's health. And maybe to assuage my own guilt a bit.
I'm sure none of us expected danger to come in the form of a teenage female. From Zephyrus, or one of his ilk, in a heartbeat, but a Human female? And a non-Magical one at that? Never.
It galls me also, to know that I have to apologize to that bloody demon, and even to thank him for his help, but (sigh) fair is fair, and without his help we might not have found Duo as soon as we did.
I still wonder at that remark of his, that Duo is well-known to the demon realms, though Duo doesn't realize it.
But my mind is wandering...
I'm going to be apologizing for days...
In addition to checking on Duo's recovery and apologizing to Heero, I also have to apologize to Duo, for grabbing him in the infirmary. It was just a stupid thing to do. Q warned us to give him room, and that he was very... fragile at that moment, but seeing him trying to blindly sidle around obstacles, well... I suppose I could blame it on my hardwiring, but it was still a stupid thing to do. Especially when Trowa touched his arm and the Banshee reacted... badly.
I should have just spoken and tried to calm him with my voice, not tried to get hold of him. But by every ancestor I possess, I never dreamed that Duo, our happy, affectionate, charming Banshee, could be so... dangerous.
Only an instant after my hands landed on his arms, my nerves, my skin, every organ in my body tried... to be elsewhere.
Trowa had to pick me up off the damn floor; I was having enough trouble just remembering how to breathe.
Some time later I became aware of the events playing out nearby, but I can't say I *knew* what was happening. It pains me to use such a trite phrase as 'dazed and confused' but it is the only possible description of my state of mind. I didn't notice when Duo fainted, but I sure as hell noticed when everyone else went crazy. The memories come in strobe-like flashes, of Heero taking the limp Banshee down on the bed next to me; of Q shouting for Mistress Loquinn; of Trowa howling from... somewhere close by. Voices, shrieks, screams... and the Wyvern cursing creatively, damning that Human female to her own hell.
My time-sense gets a little... muddled in there. I think I remember hearing my own voice... At some point, Q was on the phone; at another, Duo was on his feet, looking as if he had a date with an executioner. Mistress Loquinn had a few minutes of prominence and even Trowa contributed by offering to take me home.
I resented that greatly, but my head was still spinning from whatever the hell had happened, and I couldn't gather enough wits to protest being carted off like a sack of rice. Q, Heero and Duo vanished. Trowa helped me to achieve upright status, and kept his arm firmly around my waist as we staggered out to the parking lot.
I don't remember getting home or into bed, but that's where I woke up hours later, with the most god-awful painful second degree burns you *never* want to see. It took every bit of chutzpah I own not to break down in sobs when I began peeling out of the t-shirt and shorts that Trowa had put me to bed in. I was *covered* in blisters; blisters that popped when touched, or peeled away, stuck to my garments, leaving behind a disgusting... goo.
Trowa must have heard something; he came running while I was still entangled in that sticky, oozy shirt. One look and he was at the brazier, yelling frantically for Mistress Loquinn.
The Witch herself appeared moments later, with an enormous jar of pink bath salts. I quickly found myself naked in the bath with the warm water running and the pink salts turning the water -- and me -- a delightful shade of seafoam green. The Witch stayed for a while, watching me carefully and poking occasionally at the damned blisters.
The bath salts took away a good deal of the pain; within half an hour I was able to breathe without feeling like my skin was splitting open.
I tried to ask Trowa what the hell had happened, but he gave me a frightened look and changed the subject almost violently by shoving a mug of tea at me. And Mistress Loquinn just told me "Later," in that forceful female way that she has.
I finally gave up and just drowsed in the water, barely rousing when Trowa drained the old water and refilled the tub with fresh. I think I spent the whole night there, with Trowa bringing me cup after cup of tea and muttering about dehydration. I don't see how I could possibly be dehydrated while becoming thoroughly waterlogged. When I finally became fully aware of my surroundings once again, I felt much better.
My whole body was one big crusty scab, but as it hardly hurt at all, I figured I could live with that. It looked disgusting, however...
Trowa, I discovered when I trudged into the living room, had suffered with the same weird blisters, albeit only on his chest. We looked at each other and did that brain-sync thing that we sometimes do.
"Banshee," we said together.
Trowa nodded slowly. "I think maybe Duo's more heavily-armed than anyone realised."
"I think you're right." I suddenly remembered the interior of that cabin. Remembered what the Coroner's team had sponged and squeegied off the walls and floor...
"Son of a bitch," I breathed, finally realizing the implications.
"No shit," muttered Trowa, already there.
"Damn," we finished together.
That was when the subject of an apology first reared its distasteful head. We ordered pizza since we were both starving, and spent a few hours dissecting the whole situation. Then we called Q to ask how Duo was feeling. I really wanted to see for myself, but even I knew better than to barge in when Heero was still a raw, bleeding nerve. Once he'd had time to climb down a bit, we could begin asking after our friend.
Duo, Q explained, had been drugged, and even though Mistress Loquinn and the half-half doctor were confident that he would recover fully, he had had a bad night, and would probably have several more before the stuff wore off.
My first impulse was to rush to the jail where that sorry excuse for a sentient creature was being held, and beat her bloody. Cooler heads prevailed.
Well, Trowa prevailed. He hid my damn car keys and refused to drive me. I considered walking, but that would require putting clothes on. At that point, I realised that even if I had my keys, I couldn't go, because anything outside the apartment would require me to get dressed, and my scabs protested mightily at the mere thought of that. I expressed my displeasure with the whole miserable affair by snarling and ranting, but it was nowhere near my best work, so I finally just gave it up. I hadn't broken anything or gone for my dam dao, and my volume was just pathetic. Trowa felt of my forehead in concern and I was too tired to manage even mild indignation over that.
As I said, cooler heads.
It didn't stop me thinking about my beautiful little Banshee, though. What the hell had Duo ever done to deserve this, anyway?
What the hell, indeed...
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Standing at Duo's door, I couldn't help wondering that again.
Regardless of any apology owed, I was all set to be pissed at Heero, but that just vanished when I got a look at him. The hard-as-tempered steel Wyvern had been... crying.
Without thinking, I laid my hand on his arm and said, "Shit, Heero! Are you okay?"
He tried to glare at me, but it was just pathetic and he knew it, so he answered my question instead.
"Mostly," he admitted. "He's finally awake again... and he recognized me this time."
"How is he?" I asked keeping my voice down to match his. And then I could have kicked myself; what a *stupid* question! I expected a more acerbic answer than what I got.
Heero sighed. "Scared. Angry. Confused. About what you'd expect."
"Heero... I'm sorry..." I said quietly. "Dragons, I was all set to get pissy with you," I admitted, still expecting righteous anger and fully prepared for the Glare of Glares.
"Go ahead," he sighed putting his shoulder against the door frame. "You can't be any angrier at me than I am at myself. Some guardian I am!"
Now he was just scaring me. "Heero, don't be so damn nice about it! I can't handle you when you're nice!"
He gave me a mirthless grin. "That's right; it's your job to beat up on me, isn't it?"
"Only when justified!"
He was about to reply, when we heard Duo cry out.
"Heero! Get it away!"
Just that fast, Heero was across the room. I stepped inside, wanting to also go to Duo, but recognizing that it wasn't my place.
Heero landed on his knees on the bed, scooping Duo into his arms instantly. The Banshee clung to him, face buried in his shoulder, breath coming in fast shallow gasps.
"Heero?" Damn, but I wanted to help!
"Close the door," he growled. "Get him some water please."
I complied immediately, still listening with half an ear to the Wyvern murmuring gently to his -- yes, *his* -- beloved.
Damn. The facts had finally caught up to my heart. I hate when that happens.
When I brought the water to them, Duo had managed to climb down from whatever had panicked him, but he still trembled noticeably within the shelter of Heero's arms, and he seemed... agitated.
"Nothing?" I heard him say, his voice strained and shaking. "You're sure? Nothing at all?"
"Nothing at all," Heero confirmed regretfully.
Duo looked up at me. "Fei! Did you... Did you see anything a minute ago?"
I blinked, mystified. "I don't think so... What was it?" He looked... frightened.
"Fuck!" he wailed and buried his face in Heero's shoulder once more. From the way his shoulders shook and his breathing seemed to hitch, I knew he was crying.
Ordinarily, the Banshee is not a sniveler. The only time I've ever seen him cry was when he got the news of his aunt's death. Damn that girl and her fucking drug! Stupid bitch!
Heero held him and stroked lovingly at his hair and back, still whispering reassurances. "It's all right, angel; it's only the drugs. You'll be fine once they burn out; I swear."
"Heero, what's going on?" I said after a moment.
Duo sat back, scrubbing his hands over his face to hide the tear tracks.
"Wufei," began Heero stiffly, but Duo interrupted him.
"I'm fucking seeing things, Fei!" he blurted out. "I thought something was coming at me!"
"Oh, Duo..."
"That damned girl gave him Flunitrazepam. The doctor says it may take several days for it to work itself out of his system."
"Flunitrazepam? Motherfucker!" I snarled. I've heard of it; we've had a couple of incidences of young Witches and Wizards being dosed with that shit. "Gods. Damn. Her." I sat down on the edge of the bed, unmindful of Heero's protective nature, and hooked my arm around Duo's neck for a quick hug. "I'm sorry." I offered the nearly-forgotten glass of water and Duo took it with a welcome sigh.
"I'm so damn thirsty," he muttered.
"That's good, though," soothed the Wyvern. "It'll help wash that crap out of your body." He looked up at me. "Right, Wufei?"
I nodded, for once perfectly happy to back Heero up. Duo had leaned back into Heero's arms again and suddenly I felt very... superfluous. I just... didn't want to be there anymore. I stood up.
"I'm glad it's just temporary," I said and took a step back. "I don't want to bother you; you need to rest, so..."
"Fei!" Duo reached for me suddenly, and I stopped uncertainly. "You and Trowa," he began hesitantly. "You helped look for me..."
"Yes..." So did everyone else. What we did wasn't remarkable; Duo is my friend. I will always try to protect my friends. He curled his fingers at me, so I stepped closer, once again mindful of Heero's protectiveness.
But Heero made no move to stop me, and Duo stretched up with an obvious effort to wrap his arms around my shoulders and give me a hug.
"Thank you," he whispered in my ear. "My friend..."
I couldn't speak around the lump in my throat, but he didn't seem to require a response. I returned the hug, gently this time, both for his obvious frailty and for the sake of my still-uncomfortable scabs. In the midst of that, a hand landed lightly on my back.
"Thank you, Wufei," Heero said softly. "You do your ancestors proud."
I flinched. I didn't mean to; I certainly didn't want to. I caught a flicker of startlement on Duo's face, and then Heero withdrew with a muttered apology.
"No," I said quickly to both of them. "It's all right, Heero. It's just that my back is still sore."
"What?" he said blankly. "What's wrong with your back?"
I realised that neither of them had any idea what had happened. "Um... It's not important." Sure, like Heero would accept that as an answer.
Sure enough, his midnight eyes sharpened. "Wufei..." he growled.
"Wufei? What's wrong?" said Duo at almost the same moment.
I practically lunged for Heero's gaze to avoid the Banshee's. It wasn't his fault! He was frightened and drugged and... and...
"Heero," I said firmly, "it's nothing, really. Nothing important at all." I tried to convey with my eyes what I couldn't say aloud: Duo had done something, but it wasn't serious; it had been fixed and there was no reason for him to even know. Not right this minute.
A flicker of understanding crossed Heero's face; a faint wariness.
But Duo had hold of my sleeve. "Fei?" Oh, ancestors; that pet name is my undoing every single time... "You were hurt?"
"It's nothing, Duo," I repeated, keeping my eyes on Heero, and was alarmed to hear the anxiety in my voice. ::Heero, dammit! Help me here!::
"Duo... If Wufei says it's nothing," he began, but Duo caught his breath sharply.
"It's me! I did something, didn't I?" His voice was at least an octave higher than normal. "I did something to hurt you!" he wailed.
I'd been watching him from the corners of my eyes, trying hard to stay focused on Heero, but that plaintive cry wrenched at me.
"Duo, please," I began desperately, "it's not a big deal." And of course, then I had to finish it. "You just... just knocked me down, that's *all*! It's not terrible and certainly not your fault!"
I could have saved my breath. The Banshee was already into full panic mode, his face gone ashen and his breathing once more fast and shallow.
"Show me!" he gasped, and I gaped at him.
I couldn't *show* him! I was still covered in those damned scabs; what clear patches I had were pale and tender. I looked like a fucking patchwork quilt. He would lose his damn mind if he saw that.
Heero, who should have *known*, goddammit, turned that incendiary glare on *me*. "Show us," he demanded.
It was out of my hands at that point. Whatever happened from here on was on *his* head, goddamn imperious fucking Wyvern!
I sighed and shrugged out of my jacket. "Do *not* get excited," I told Duo firmly as I unbuttoned my shirt. "It hurt for a little while; Mistress Loquinn gave me something for it, and now it's just a minor annoyance. Duo," I said sharply, and his eyes met mine. "It's not your fault, and if you try to say that it is, I'm leaving and never coming back."
Heero growled at me. ::Well, tough shit! You're the one who insisted.::
Duo sank back against him looking stricken.
I crumpled my shirt in my lap.
Duo stared at me, at my chest, my arms. He swallowed; I could see him trying not to scream or cry or lose control, and it was... painful.
Heero touched my arm lightly, brushing at the scabs. "Blisters?" he murmured. I nodded. Duo drew a slow breath and let it out even slower.
"I did that...?" he whispered. "I hurt you that way..."
This time I growled; I don't do it near as often as Heero, so it's not as impressive, but I had righteous indignation on my side; Heero blinked at me.
"Duo, I tried to grab you in the infirmary when you were staggering around blind. It's my fault. I should have known better. I should have spoken; I should have called Q or Heero. We were warned not to touch you. I shouldn't have tried to touch you. It's my own damn fault. Please stop looking at me like that!" It wasn't until I'd finished that I realised that my voice had risen and that I was nearly yelling.
Duo had curled in on himself; legs drawn up, arms wrapped around his ribs. He looked like he was trying to memorize every mark on me. It gave me a chill and I shook my shirt out and put it back on.
"Stop it, Banshee," I commanded. "Just let it go." And to Heero, with a glare. "Damn it, you insisted!"
He hugged Duo close, stroking his hair, his back; just blinking slowly at me. "Yes... yes I did," he said softly. "Thank you, Wufei. For being candid with us."
He looked... Dammit, Heero looked as near to tears as Duo!
I threw myself to my feet. "Damn it; you insisted on forgiving *me*, Banshee! This is the same thing! Stop it! Just *stop it*; both of you! So help me Dragons, I will slap the both of you! DO NOT LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT!"
Amazing, isn't it, how quickly the emotions gain control when the mind goes out to lunch.
Heero was on it immediately.
"*Chang Wufei!*" he roared. "If you don't stop whining, I am going to drop-kick your scrawny, piss-ant excuse for a Dragon butt all the way to fucking Beijing! We are *trying* to show concern for you, you goddamn *idiot*! Now shut the *fuck* up and let us finish!"
I sat down, stunned. There was nothing between me and the floor to sit on, but somehow... I failed to notice at the time. Duo's eyes were just... huge. Like purple velvet dinner plates. Heero was... Forget it; I can't even begin to describe the expression on the Wyvern's face.
Dead silence. Duo stared at me. Heero glared at me. I attempted to get my damn mouth shut with little to no cooperation from my brain.
Then, a sound... Almost like a hiccup, but not quite. Just a tiny little noise. Then another, a little louder. Then a snort.
Heero and I both looked at the Banshee. His lips were pressed so tight together as to be white. His eyes were wet to overflowing. My heart sank even further, probably hiding behind my toenails. Oh, no...
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I know I'm losing my mind. Please; it has to be the drugs. Has to be... Otherwise there is no other possible excuse for what I did.
One moment I was wishing I'd never been born, for hurting someone else, someone I damn well care about, *again*. God... Wufei was sitting on the damn floor, stunned into immobility by Heero's enraged command, his face chalk-white and the most... startled, most appalled look on his face. The next instant I was laughing hysterically at the poor beleaguered Were-Dragon.
I am just reprehensible.
But then, he started to laugh as well, and Heero joined in a moment later. We sat there, howling with laughter, Heero and I hanging onto each other, and Wufei rolling on the floor, for at least five minutes.
I forgot that I hurt. I forgot that I'd just had a hallucination that scared the crap out of me. I forgot that I'd done something horrible and that someone had done something horrible to me. I even forgot that I'd injured one of my best friends.
And when my laughter began to wind down, I felt like maybe I could get past this mess, somehow. Maybe if I could still laugh, even at something so... so stupid, maybe I would be okay eventually. And I thought of Teal, and how he was able to laugh, even only a few days after Shar was gone.
Well, hell. I wasn't dead. I felt like crap and I was still scared of the unknown, but really, what else can happen to me? Once you've been ra- assaulted, what the hell else can be worse?
Heero was looking at me, I realised, a faint wondrous smile playing about his lips. "Banshee," he breathed, and it was as if the fog lifted another notch.
"Heero," I whispered. "Heero!" And I threw my still-leaden arms around him.
"Well, thank me for amusing you both," said Wufei gruffly.
I looked down to find him leaning against the bed, red-faced and breathing heavily.
"Are you all right?" demanded Heero.
"I'm fine, lizard-boy." He staggered to his feet, a hand to his ribs. "Ah, shit. My ribs hurt from laughing so much."
"'Lizard-boy'?"
Oh, oh...
Wufei shot him a part glare-part smirk look. "Yeah. Lizard-boy. Whattaya gonna do about it, Heero?"
Heero glared and rumbled for a few seconds, then subsided. "Why, nothing," he replied blandly, and I had to look at him. "I'm going to stay right here and cuddle *my* Banshee, worm."
"Lizard."
"Worm."
"Hello?" I raised my hand. "I'm kind of tired here..."
The sparring stopped immediately. An instant later, I was flat on my back with the comforter pulled up to my chin, and Heero was chasing Wufei out the door. I managed to untangle my hand enough to wave half-heartedly before the door closed on Wufei's reluctantly retreating person.
"Heero? Why was I laughing? It wasn't funny, dammit..."
He sat beside me on the bed, his expression wistful and tender. "Stress relief, maybe. Maybe you just needed another outlet. Maybe your brain is finally realizing that you don't have to be afraid anymore.
"Why are you out there?" I didn't want to be alone again.
He sighed softly and I could almost see the anxiety draining out of him. "Someone needs to shut off the lights. Give me two minutes."
"Okay. But no more than two."
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I lifted the comforter to crawl in beside him. He turned drowsy eyes to me and murmured, "Two minutes. I love a Dragon who's prompt..."
And then he was asleep.
I arranged myself and drew him into my arms, being careful to coil his loose hair on the pillow above him so that I wouldn't lay on it. He sighed heavily and melted against me. I wrapped my arms around him, rested my cheek against his soft hair, and then silently, in the dark, where no one would see, I began to cry.
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I was awakened by a soft moan.
I sat up, instantly awake, and hunting for the source. It was Duo, of course, struggling in the throes of a nightmare. I dithered for an impossibly long handful of seconds before deciding to take the chance and wake him. I shook him gently and he lunged bolt upright, eyes wide and terrified, a strangled scream on his lips.
"I'm here, baby!" I cried immediately and he... wobbled. He flinched and blinked and looked at me, and then he was in my arms, wrapping himself around me like a blanket, face hidden against my shoulder. "I'm here," I whispered more gently. "I'm here; you're safe now." His whole body shook, but there didn't seem to be any tears. Maybe he had cried himself out?
"You're really here," he whispered finally. It was a terribly painful sound, as if he'd had doubts.
"I am here now," I murmured in return. I doubt I will ever get past the knowledge that I wasn't there when he needed me.
"And... and Wufei was here?"
"Yes, he came to ask how you were."
He was silent for so long, I thought he'd gone back to sleep.
"I hurt him, didn't I?"
Crap. I'd hoped he might forget that. I still don't know whatever possessed me to insist that Wufei show us his injuries. Just another moment of stupidity among many these days.
"You didn't intend to hurt Wufei. Do not blame yourself, angel." I stroked his hair gently and felt him beginning to relax.
"It... Was it... dark?" he asked hesitantly.
When he defended against Wufei and Trowa?
"Mistress Loquinn put some drops in your eyes; you complained that they burned. You weren't able to see when you woke up. I think you were scared...?"
He snuggled closer, rubbing his cheek against me.
I drew the comforter up over us once more and wrapped him close. He shuddered briefly and sighed, turning those shadowed purple eyes to me. "I'm so tired..."
"I know, angel; I know..."
"I... remember... I think. Scared... Yeah..." He sighed heavily; it was a sound I would come to know well over the next few days. "I remember... but I don't remember... Don't think I was thinking... Just... just reacting... too late."
"Don't... Don't beat yourself up over this, angel. You aren't to blame for any of it." I'd repeat that a thousand times until he understood and forgave himself. "She took advantage of you, did a terrible thing. None of what happened is your fault."
"Yeah..." he whispered. "Who the hell ever asks to be... raped...?"