Winner Takes All
Song that inspired this fic and how I imagine Heero sings.
Nickelback:Gotta be Somebody
Heero's song to Duo:
Nickelback:Never Gonna Be Alone
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(Lyrics are from Nickelback's Gotta Be Somebody. Available for download just
about anywhere)
In the end, Duo couldn't do it. The club was a hole in the wall place, where
most of the clientele had their backs to the stage, in the dimly lit establishment,
and most looked well on their way to being spectacularly drunk. When the
first band member walked on stage to begin adjusting equipment, Duo's nerve
failed and he ended up sitting on the curb in the cold, watching traffic
go by.
You didn't pull off someone's clothes in public, Duo thought, and seeing what he hadn't been invited to see, a side of Heero that was so personal, would have felt just like that, at least to him. Leaving was hard, as well, though. Duo had wanted his confrontation, had wanted to end the conflict between them. Waiting for Heero to leave, seemed a better plan, than invading the man's life so thoroughly.
When the music began it was surprisingly loud. Duo had expected something light, easy listening, and even, guiltily, boring. He wasn't ready for the loud, growling voice Heero used to belt out lyrics. It sounded primal, from his gut, and damned sexy, Duo thought in amazement. It was a moment before he actually began listening to the words and, when he understood what they were saying, he felt his heart clench as if a fist had closed around it. It was a cry for more. A cry to the world. A cry to someone out there to end loneliness.
This time I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life
The one we all dream of
But dreams just aren't enough
So I´ll be waiting for the real thing.
I'll know it by the feeling.
The moment when we´re meeting
will play out like a scene straight off the silver screen
So I`ll be holdin’ my own breath
Right up to the end
Until that moment when
I find the one that I'll spend forever with
`Cause nobody wants to be the last one there.
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There`s gotta be somebody for me like that.
`Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere.
There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.
Tonight, out on the street out in the moonlight
And dammit this feels too right
It´s just like Déjà Vu
Me standin’ here with you
So I´ll be holdin`my own breath
Could this be the end?
Is it that moment when
I find the one that I'll spend forever with?
‘Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There´s gotta be somebody for me like that.
`Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.
You can´t give up!
Lookin´ for that diamond in the rough
You never know but when it shows up
Make sure you´re holdin` on
‘
Cause it could be the one, the one you´re waiting on
‘Cause nobody wants to be the last one there.
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There has gotta be somebody for me
Ohhhhhh.
Nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere?
There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.
Nobody wants to be the last one there
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere?
There has gotta be somebody for me out there.
Duo found his hand over his mouth, as he tried to keep control of roiling emotions. Somebody out there. Duo wanted badly for that somebody to be him. There were a few other songs, but nothing as powerful as the first one.
"A little too much to drink, buddy?" A police officer was standing close by, one hand on his nightstick as if he was expecting trouble.
Duo stood up and his still healing body caused him to stumble. When he caught his balance the man had one hand on his elbow, firm, and no nonsense.
"I think you'd better come with me," the officer told him as he lifted his cell to call for a patrol car. "I'll get you to a place where you can sleep it off."
"I'm not drunk, Duo told him. I was just... sitting," he ended lamely, not about to tell the man that he had been tying himself into emotional knots over a night club singer.
"Just sitting," the man repeated with a knowing nod. "How about I call you a cab, instead? Then you can just go home and not loiter?"
"I wasn't..." Duo frowned and tried again, "I guess I was, sorry. I'm not drunk, though, and I'm not ready to go home, just yet. I was waiting for someone."
"Someone?" the man echoed, wanting an explanation.
"He should be out, soon," Duo tried, but then saw the officer raising his cell again, clearly not impressed with Duo's insistence on staying.
"It's all right," Heero said from behind them. "I'm the one he's waiting for."
Duo and the officer turned in surprise, but the officer knew Heero already. "You know him? He's not just a weird fan?"
Heero smiled, but it looked nervous. "No, not a weird fan. Thanks Officer Carmen. We'll be leaving now."
"Okay, stay safe." the man said and then sauntered off to continue his beat.
"I didn't go in," Duo said defensively and found the pavement very interesting. When Heero didn't reply immediately, he added, softly, "You sing great."
He heard Heero take a breath and then let it out. "Thanks," he replied, and then, after another pause, "You could have come in. I've never sang in front of anyone I've known, but..."
"That song..." Duo said when Heero seemed unable to go on.
"Which?" Heero wondered.
"You know which one," Duo replied uncomfortably.
"Yes, I know." Heero took a step closer and Duo could feel the heat of his body.
"I..." How to ask if it was about him? Duo could feel his face burning and his gut getting sick from nerves. He didn't want his reply to be a laugh, a derisive, 'Are you kidding?'.
"Ask me," Heero urged.
Duo swallowed hard. His heart was pounding in his chest. His hands felt sweaty even in the cold. "Why do you sing?" he asked instead.
Heero was thrown by it, but he recovered and replied, "I need to express what's inside of me. I have to let it out."
"In front of strangers?" Duo pressed.
"They don't judge me by who I am," Heero replied. "They'll forget me after they leave, forget that I laid myself bare."
"Is this like..." Duo searched and then finished, "Like a caveman scream?"
Heero snorted in amusement, thought it over and then replied, "That sounds like Sally Po."
Duo found a shaky smile and admitted, "That's what she called loud mouths like me. I just have to let it out like a caveman beating his chest. I don't do quiet when it comes to how I feel."
"Except now?" Heero pointed out.
Duo nodded and crossed his arms over his hurting heart. "It's not like you're Mr. Open. You won't tell me anything."
"I just did," Heero replied and stepped even closer. His breath was hot in Duo's ear as he leaned in close and softly sang the lyrics to the first song in it,"Tonight, out on the street, out in the moonlight,and dammit this feels too right. It´s just like Déjà Vu, me standin’ here with you, so I´ll be holdin`my own breath, could this be the end? Is it that moment when I find the one that I'll spend forever with?"
Duo finally looked at him, into dark blue eyes that betrayed just how fearful Heero was of being hurt as well."Where's the moonlight?" Duo breathed.
"A street light will do," Heero chuckled softly, but he was waiting, the tension in him obvious.
"You had to decide," Duo pointed out."You had to think it through. Don't make this sound like fate, love at first sight, or any of that.I wasn't the one making decisions."
Duo's fears solidified. The last thing that he wanted was to have Heero hand him lines of bullshit. That would have been too much like ending up one of Caskin's conquests: a willing dupe to a one night stand. "Don't lie to me," Duo suddenly exploded."I can't take that, not from you, because you're that important to me. This was a bad idea. You made up your mind, we'll maybe I need to make up mine, too. Later."
Duo limped away, everything about him, warning Heero not to follow him. Heero understood that warning, but he called after Duo, "You need to let me explain..."
"Maybe you've explained enough," Duo threw back over his shoulder. He was grateful when a cab appeared at his wave and even happier when the man seemed to know that he was in a hurry to leave.
"Sorry, Fei," Duo whispered, after giving the cab driver his address and sinking down despondently into his seat."You're two top agents are still screwed up."
________________________________
"It's his resignation from Preventers!" Wu Fei snarled as he tossed the chip onto Duo's desk. It clattered and came to rest by Duo's hand. Duo picked it up and looked at it, but didn't put it into his computer.
"Well?" Wu Fei demanded. "There wasn't an explanation on the forms, he submitted, just a damned poem. If there was a reason in it, I didn't read one."
"Poem?" Duo rubbed at the back of his neck, confused. "Are you sure that it wasn't a song? The man seems to like using songs instead of talking." He shrugged and put the chip down again. "You want answers? I don't have any."
"Then you are not a very good agent, Maxwell!" Wu Fei exclaimed, slamming his hands down onto Duo's desk.
Duo slumped in his chair despondently. "We lost Heero. That sucks, but it's his decision."
"Sounds simple, when you say it like that," Wu Fei replied angrily. "Maybe you can explain it that simply to the people who might die for lack of Yuy's expertise?"
Wu Fei gave paperwork on Duo's desk a furious shove, sending it cascading onto the floor, before turning on his heel and leaving.
Duo sighed and rubbed at his forehead, feeling the responsibility for the situation squarely on his shoulders.
"Damn you anyway, Heero," he seethed. "It didn't have to come to this."
He took up the chip again and put it into his computer. He scanned the paperwork and puzzled over the poem. It seemed a partial thing, ending awkwardly. Wu Fei was right that it didn't explain everything.
You gotta live every single day
Like it’s the only one
What if tomorrow never comes
Don’t let it slip away
Could be our only one
You know its only just begun.
Duo found it, a little icon dangling by a line of Heero's resignation. Barely
a pinprick, Duo could see by a search of the code, that it had been made
to only appear when placed in his computer. It was for his eyes only.
Further investigation found the audio file that the icon triggered.
"You genius son of a bitch!" Duo growled, half in awe and half in annoyance. At some point, Heero had hacked his computer, despite every safeguard that Preventers, and Duo himself, had placed on it.
Attaching an earbud, Duo hit the icon. The music that blasted out was all Heero, singing powerfully and with a passion that Duo hadn't thought the man capable of, even after hearing him on stage.
Time is going by
So much faster than I
And I’ve started to regret not spending a little with you
Now I’m
Wondering why
I’ve kept this bottled inside
So I’ve started to regret not telling all of it to you
So if I haven’t yet
I’ve gotta let you know
You’re never gonna be alone
From this moment on
If you ever feel like letting go
I won’t let you fall
You’re never gonna be alone
I’ll hold you until the hurt is gone
And now
As long as I can
I’m holding on with both hands
Cuz forever I believe that there’s nothing I could need but you
So if I haven’t yet
I’ve gotta let you know
You’re never gonna be alone
From this moment on
If you ever feel like letting go
I won’t let you fall
When all hope is gone
I know that you can carry on
We’re gonna take the world along
I’ll hold you until the hurt is gone
You gotta live every single day
Like it’s the only one
What if tomorrow never comes
Don’t let it slip away
Could be our only one
You know its only just begun
Every single day
May be our only one
What if tomorrow never comes
Tomorrow never comes
Time is going by
So much faster than I
And I’ve started to regret not telling all of this to you
Your never gonna be alone
From this moment on
If you ever feel like letting go
I won’t let you fall
When all hope is gone
I know that you can carry on
Were gonna take the world along
I’ll hold you until the hurt is gone
I’m gonna be there all the way
I won’t be missing one more day
I’m gonna be there all the way
I won’t be missing one more day
(Heero's song:Never Going to be Alone:Nickelback)
Duo's hands were shaking as he turned off his computer, popped out the earbud, and stood up, seeing nothing but his own inner turmoil.
"I can't work with you in Preventers," Heero said softly from the doorway.
Duo focused on him in consternation. The man was dressed casually in jeans and a white t-shirt, his hair pulled back in a messy ponytail.
Duo found his voice. "I... Why not?"
"Because we're in a relationship," Heero explained, with an edge of hopefulness and fear in his voice. "That's the decision that I had to make. You meant that much to me, though. There wasn't an argument that I could make to myself that was more important to me than being with you."
"Oh," Duo breathed, feeling stupid, and angry, at the same time. "Why...Why not just say so?"
"Self sacrificing shit," Heero replied and it made Duo laugh shortly in surprise.
"Yours or mine?" Duo wondered.
"Yours," Heero replied, growing serious again."You would have talked me out of it, ended... this... before it even started."
"What is this?" Duo wanted to know, tension making him tremble even more.
Heero stepped through the doorway and moved around the desk to face him. "What we've both wanted?" It was a question, requiring Duo to commit, as Heero had just committed with his career, with his future.
"They need you," Duo replied, swallowing hard. "Wu Fei was right about that. I-I should be the one to quit or let myself get demoted... to a -a-"
"You can't even say it," Heero chuckled. "Desk Job. Can you really see yourself out of the field?"
"Can you?" Duo retorted.
"Maybe Preventers wasn't for me after all?" Heero countered. "Maybe I can find another way to be in the field?"
Duo blinked, not having considered other options. "Okay."
It was lame and needed more added to it, but Duo was at a loss. It was too much, too quickly. the words of the song were there, though, reminding him, just as Heero had intended.
"Every single day, may be our only one. What if tomorrow never comes?" Duo repeated and then took a shuddering breath, as he glared at Heero. "This better be for real, Yuy. I'll kick your ass if you're playing me."
Heero reached out and hesitantly put a hand on the side of Duo's face, looking into his eyes, earnestly. "You're a Gundam pilot, Duo. I wouldn't be that stupid."
Duo laughed, grabbed Heero's shirt and pulled him in close. "Okay, you got me. Now what?"
"Leave, before Chang finds out that I'm here," Heero replied. "Take a long lunch hour. We'll talk."
"You're not taking charge in this relationship, buddy," Duo warned as he let Heero drag him to the door by one arm.
Heero threw an amused look over his shoulder that told Duo that he knew better than to try that.
"Fifty, fifty," Duo insisted.
"Fifty, fifty," Heero agreed.
Heero almost ran into Caskin's heading into Duo's office. Caskin's eyes went wide as he saw the situation.
"What's going on?" Caskin's asked nervously, looking pale at the prospect that he might have to help Duo against Heero. "Should I... call for... help?"
Heero moved around him, still tugging Duo along. Duo scowled, but then he smiled and pointed a finger at Caskin's as Heero pulled him by the man. "I win," he announced.
Caskin's looked confused and then he barked a laugh. "Okay, if you think so, Maxwell."
"I know so," Duo retorted.
"Should I ask?" Heero wondered as he took them into an elevator.
"No," Duo replied. "You don't want to know."
_______________________________
"Now what?" Duo stood on the opposite side of his bed from Heero, watching the man watching him.
They had decided on Duo's apartment, after work, but they hadn't discussed anything on the way there. They both knew what they wanted, but starting had become awkward.
"What are you thinking?" Heero wondered.
"If you have to ask, then maybe we shouldn't be here?" Duo shot back.
"Duo?" Heero insisted.
"Who's got condoms?" Duo quipped, but then felt a little pale when Heero pulled several out of his pocket. "Always prepared, huh?"
"For you," Heero replied."I bought them after we talked at lunch."
"We weren't talking about this at lunch, just getting together," Duo retorted, but he pulled lube from a side table drawer and tossed it onto the bed's center.
"You decided this, remember? You don't make a habit of this, do you?" Heero wondered.
"That your business?" Duo shot back as he began unbuttoning his shirt.
"Yes, it is," Heero replied.
"Me, too." Duo said, watching Heero pull off his own shirt, revealing a hard muscled upper body. He swallowed hard and reaffirmed, "Me too. How was your last health checkup? Mine was clean."
"So was mine," Heero replied.
"Good."
"Good," Heero echoed as he tossed a condom to Duo.
"I'm... pitching?" Duo wondered after another nervous swallow.
"We can take turns?" Heero suggested.
They stared at each other in silence and then Duo let his condom drop to the bed. "You might need extra."
Heero looked relieved.
Clothing dropped to the floor. Duo felt his hands shaking. When they both climbed onto the bed and met in the middle, they sat on their knees and looked at each other.
"You are... very handsome," Heero tried.
"You're perfect," Duo snorted. "I don't think-"
Heero reached out, tentatively, and ran a hand along Duo's arm. "Don't say that we shouldn't be together, because of how we look. That would be ridiculous."
Heero's hand slid further down and then into Duo's lap as Duo blushed. He wrapped that hand around what it found there. When Duo tensed, he quickly asked, "Are you sure about this? We could wait... Maybe we're going too fast?"
Duo was suddenly pushing Heero down onto his back, Heero still holding him firmly. He leaned over Heero, braid curling up on Heero's chest like a coil of rope."You get a guy there and then talk about stopping? My brain is what just stopped working, Yuy. Don't ask me to think about anything, now."
"I don't want to hurt you," Heero said even as his eyes traveled over Duo in a way that told Duo that he was just as lost to desire.
Heero wasn't talking about just the physical, but Duo replied, "I'm good. Don't worry about my injuries. Just don't ask me to run up stairs, or anything."
They rolled and Heero was suddenly on top, looking down at Duo. "Stairs weren't in the plan."
Duo grinned. "There's a plan?"
Heero smiled back. "No, not really."
Duo grew serious, sliding hands along Heero's strong arms."I wanted this... a long damned time ago."
Heero seemed moved by that admission and then he said firmly, "Caskin's never had a chance in hell."
Duo laughed and Heero captured that laugh in a devouring kiss.
It was hard and quick, body's needing release, but then they took time, after, to enjoy each other, to rise to the heights of pleasure, several times, before curling together, exhausted, and simply enjoying the after glow.
"Are you all right?" Heero asked, sounding sleepy, his cheek resting on Duo's chest.
"Yeah," Duo replied with a wide, satisfied smile. He patted Heero's shoulder lazily. "You were real good; hard, strong, sexy, and careful. Let's not do it again for awhile, though. Kind of.... you know...?"
Heero kissed his chest, licked one nipple, and then began moving down Duo's body.
"Heero?" Duo protested. "You're not going to be an asshole, now? I said..." Duo strangled on his words as Heero's mouth closed around him and brought him back to life. "That's good.... Keep doing that..."
Duo's hands tangled in Heero's hair and he rode on a wave of pleasure as he thought about forever.
"As long as I can,I’m holding on with both hands, Cuz forever, I believe, that there’s nothing I could need but you. So, if I haven’t yet, I’ve gotta let you know, you’re never gonna be alone from this moment on."
He couldn't sing like, Heero. His voice was too rough, to unsure, but the lyrics that Heero had sung to him, had the meaning that he wanted. Speaking them, on the crest of completion, sounded more like a confession wrung out of his heart, yet it was exactly what he was feeling.
Heero kissed him down there, on the tip, as if it were something precious, and then he renewed his efforts until Duo was crying out and in the throes of orgasm. After, he moved to take Duo into his arms.
"You're the one I've been looking for," Heero whispered in his ear.
Duo smiled and kissed him. The phone rang and they both ignored it. When the answering machine kicked on, Duo fumbled to turn it off, without breaking the kiss, as Wu Fei's voice demanded. "I know you're there! They told me you were with Yuy this afternoon! Une will have you up on charges, Maxwell! This is nothing less than sabotage-"
Duo laughed against Heero's lips and whispered, "Deal with it, Fei," before he claimed Heero's lips again.
END
End