Diversion #13: Wufei's Visitor
Trowa rolled his eyes in exasperation as he reached for the doorknob. The Were-Dragon was still frothing at the mouth over the latest missive from his family - this time specifically from his brother-in-law, Long Ping the Little Prick (as Wufei referred to him). Wufei had already crumpled the letter into a ball, smoothed it out again and torn it into pieces, crumpled the pieces and then set them alight in the wok. He'd gone from pacing the rooms snarling and growling, to kicking the furniture and beating on the sofa while threatening murder most foul. The next step would be brandishing the dam dao and endangering the knick-knacks, as well as Trowa's person. When he reached that point, Trowa would bail and go to a movie.
He wondered idly what was playing at the theater near the highway as he opened the door.
A strange woman stood in the hallway, looking about her with a distasteful expression, as if expecting something loathsome to crawl up at any moment. A religious canvasser, perhaps? She was somewhat over-dressed for a religious canvasser in a pink suit, with matching hat, shoes and small handbag. And didn't Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses always travel in pairs? The fair-haired female was quite alone. Selling vacuum cleaners, maybe? No, she wasn't carrying anything aside from the little pink bag. With a matching silk rose on its flap, he noticed. Rather a lot of pink all at one time. Even her stockings were pink. And not a particularly nice shade, either. Duo had a pink shirt that Trowa liked, but it was a bright neon fuchsia shade of pink, and looked very good on the beautiful Banshee.
"Yes?" Trowa said mildly.
The female turned cornflower-blue eyes his way and looked him up and down, one side of her mouth curling slightly.
"Advise your master that I am here," she ordered imperiously.
Trowa blinked.
"I beg your pardon?"
"Insolence!" she snarled. "I will not stand for insolence from a servant!"
Trowa bristled. "Well, I'm not a servant! And certainly not Wufei's! Who the hell are you?" he snapped back.
"I am Chang Wufei's betrothed, Ling Ping Mei!" she retorted angrily. "Now, stand aside, lackey!"
Trowa stared at her.
Ling Ping Mei.
Oh shit.
Oh *SHIT!*
For several seconds, he could only stare. Then Wufei's angry voice came from behind him.
"Damn it, pussycat; are we paying to heat the whole goddamn town?! Shut the fucking door, you idiot!"
The female's eyes narrowed, lips thinning away to almost nothing. She placed the palm of her hand flat against Trowa's chest and shoved. Taken off-guard, he staggered backwards, colliding with Wufei.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" snarled Wufei as he untangled himself from the Were-Puma. He turned his glare to the open door.
Trowa ducked and scuttled away as best he could, trying to decide if he could just hide in his bedroom, or if he should throw caution to the winds and jump from the balcony. They were only on the fourth floor.
*"KISAMA!"*
Balcony, definitely the balcony...
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"What's going on?" I asked after Heero's third abortive attempt to get a word in edgewise. He had been reduced to glaring at the cellphone in his hand. If he wasn't careful, the thing might just spontaneously combust.
"I don't know," he growled. "Trowa's hissing something about a penguin and there's a lot of shouting in the background."
"A penguin?!" I had to take a moment to get my face back to normal; this was no time for a giggle-fit. I leaned in close and he held the phone out so that we could both hear.
Sure enough, Trowa's husky whisper was being drowned by the... noise from the background. It sounded like... like a couple of Siamese cats being drug backwards through a pasta machine.
I shook my head. "Damn. Trowa!" I yelled into the phone, and the whisper paused. "We can't hear a word you're saying!" There was an incomprehensible hum and then a moment later, the background sound was gone.
"Sorry," said Trowa breathlessly. "I was trying not to have to leave, but I guess it's okay. If they were going to actually kill each other, they probably would have by now."
I looked at Heero. Heero looked at me. We both did the raised-eyebrows/ what-the-hell thing. I nudged the phone in Heero's direction; his turn.
"'They' who?" he asked crisply.
"Oh, Wufei and Ling Ping Mei. They're fighting."
Once again, Heero and I did the shrug/eyebrow thing. It's scary how alike we've become since we started screwing.
"Ling Ping Mei?!" we exclaimed as one. "Holy shit!"
"Do you need... help?" Heero asked carefully.
"I don't think so," Trowa replied. "I thought I could just hide out in my room, but they were way too loud, so I just jumped down to the pool. I can see the entrance from here, so I'll know when she leaves."
I blinked and looked at Heero. "He *jumped*?!" I whispered, but Heero ignored me.
"If it looks like it's going to go on much longer, call me again. It isn't proper for them to drive you out of your own home with their disagreement," he growled.
"Um... Thanks, Heero. I was actually thinking about going to a film; Wufei's been a terror since he got that letter from Long Ping. You know how he gets..."
Heero rolled his eyes in exasperation. "All too well," he snorted. "Call me if you need assistance." He hung up then.
"Aren't you going to do something?" I wondered. I know Wufei's been estranged from his family, because he refused to marry the very female who had apparently just appeared on their doorstep. He had to be just... just... livid.
Why in the hell would she just show up like this? And why were they fighting to the point that Trowa *jumped* from the apartment? And how the hell could Heero be so calm when Trowa just *jumped* from the fourth floor anyway?!
"Yes," Heero said firmly. "I am going to pick up where we were, and we are going to have a wild and wicked night, just as we planned."
I gaped at him. "After *that*?! Are you outta your mind?!"
"Wufei is a grown adult; if he can't handle that female, then he deserves exactly what he gets," he said decisively, and then turned that midnight gaze my way again. "Now, Banshee... I believe you were about to drive me crazy..."
I threw up my hands in exasperation. "That's right; I was!" I peeled my shirt off over my head.
Heero knows them better and for longer, so I just had to trust that he knew what to do. But geez... It would take some heavy-duty distraction to get my mind off *that*.
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