‘Maxwell, what the hell are you doing?’
‘Playing Minesweeper, Fei… why?’
‘Minesweeper. You’re supposed to be getting ready to go out into the field with your team to disarm a bomb that could take out a city block and you’re playing… Minesweeper.’
‘Hey, I’m ready to go any time they are. The truck isn’t here yet; Tank’s supposed to call when they cross 6th street… plenty of time to get down to the lobby.’
‘But… dear God…’
‘Fei, have you talked to anybody in medical about these headaches you keep getting? That’s just not right, man.’
‘Maxwell, there is something fundamentally wrong with playing Minesweeper at a time like this.’
‘It warms me up. Gets my brain perking.’
‘But… you’re just randomly clicking!’
‘Yeah! And look at my stats! I’m working with an 85% ‘win’ rate and I’m just running sweep patterns!’
‘How the fuck is this supposed to ‘warm you up’?!’
‘Language, man, language. I got my chops busted just last week for dropping the F-word on the job. Though I seriously think there ought to be certain situations where it’s allowed; like any time there’s a live grenade involved, you know? You really ought to get a pass when somebody lobs one of those babies at you.’
‘Or any time dealing with you.’
‘What was that? Here…watch this, I’m gonna win this one in four more moves just by hitting the four corners first and…ooops.’
‘Oh my God… Maxwell, you can’t just… you’re our top demolitions expert; please do not ever use the word ‘ooops’. And tell me that this is not how you do your damn job!’
‘Hey! It’s a perfectly valid theory; you can’t argue with 85%... there’s some sort of greater power at work here! Boom-boom thinks we should test it in the field. We’ve got a whole hypothesis worked out based on… hang on, that’s my phone. Nitro here. Great; meet you out front in five.’
‘These nick-names are so damn unprofessional…’
‘What was that Fei? Never mind; gotta go. Hey! You wanna go see that new special effects movie with me and Heero tonight? There’s supposed to be some killer flash-bang scenes. Just the thing to unwind after a hard day at work.’
‘Die Hardest; the Eternal Bomb?! Are you fucking insane? No… don’t even answer! Just get going! God… how Heero puts up with you…’
‘He finds me amusing, man. We’re a match made in Heaven! Think about that movie… might help those headaches of yours.’
‘Maxwell!’
‘And I can tell you more about my Minesweeper theory…’
‘Just go, you fucking idiot!!’
‘Langauge, Fei. See ya!’
‘…’
‘Hey, is Nitro still here, or did I miss him?’
‘Nitro?! God, Yuy! Not you too!’
‘What?’
‘Those childish nicknames are just… just… childish!’
‘I thought they were kind of neat. Duo says if I get called out to assist again, I can have one too, but we can’t decide between ‘C4’ or… Wufei? Are you all right?’
‘I… have a headache.’
‘You look kind of tense. You know, Duo and I are going out to the movies tonight; maybe you should come along and unwind a little bit? The movie looks really good… they blow up one of everything; Duo says the special effects budget was bigger than… Wufei? When did you develop that twitch?’
‘Somewhere between ‘Tank’ and the Minesweeper theory…’
‘What?’
‘Nothing. I’ll see you later.’
‘Where are you going?’
‘Medical!’
____________________________________
‘Wufei? Did you come down just to see little ol’ me?’
‘Don’t flatter yourself, woman. I need something for a headache.’
‘Now is that any way to ask your girl-friend for a favor?’
‘I’m not asking for a favor, I’m asking for an aspirin.’
‘The favor part comes in where I don’t make you submit to a battery of tests and strip for a physical.’
‘You wouldn’t!’
‘I might, but you know what to say, now don’t you?’
‘Please?’
‘You can do better than that…’
‘Damn it, I just spent five minutes arguing with Maxwell over decorum and professionalism in the work place, and my head is about to explode!’
‘Only five minutes and you have a headache? You’re slipping. And why does that sound like an unlikely conversation?’
‘He was exhibiting the lack there-of, and I was explaining…’
‘Ah.’
‘Ah, what?’
‘I understand the headache now. So getting back on track here… you know what it’s gonna take…’
‘Grbmmutgghp.’
‘What was that?’
‘Please, buttercup, may I have an aspirin? Or three.’
‘Now that wasn’t so hard, was it? I just love it when you’re all romantic!’
‘Enforced terms of endearment are hardly what I would call romantic, you evil woman!’
‘Tsk. And you were doing so well. Should I call my assistant in to help you get ready for your weigh in and…hold on, that’s my phone. Napalm here.’
‘Oh for the love of God…’
‘Quiet, Wufei, I’m trying to hear. Go ahead, Nitro… Yeah, sure. No…no problem. See you when you get back, and tell Tank I said hi. Bye.’
'You too? Has the whole world lost any sense of… of… dignity? Why in the hell are you using one of those asinine nick-names of Maxwell’s?!’
‘Hey! I happen to like it! Nitro’s team gave it to me last year when I helped deliver Tank and his wife’s baby! They made me an honorary… Wufei? Wufei, where are you going?’
‘…’
‘Wufei? Was it something I said?’
_________________________________________
‘Oh God, Heero… I thought Rodney was going to bust a gut laughing when I told him if Wufei was around he had to answer to ‘Tank’! I can’t believe he’s buying all this!’
‘And I can’t believe how much your team indulges your twisted sense of humor.’
‘Hey there, Mr. ‘C4’, you’re as guilty as I am, here!’
‘We never decided between C4 and that other one, but it’s not my fault… you led me astray.’
‘And you love it. Now what do you think the odds are that I can sweet talk Une into answering to… what would you call Une?’
‘Personally, I call her Commander, but I assume you mean something a bit more… explosive?’
‘Heero! Was that a pun? I’m so proud! But yeah… I’m running out of available demolition type words, here. Dynamite is just too long.’
‘I thought you got the front desk receptionist to answer to that anyway?’
‘Oh right… damn; I’m losing track. How about Flash?’
‘That’s just stretching it.’
‘Well, do you have a better… hush… speak of the devil; here comes Wufei.’
‘There you are, Maxwell; I’ve got something to say to you!’
‘Uh-oh…’
‘It’s about these unofficial code-names that you’ve been dispensing all over the place.’
‘Now, Wufei, let’s not get upset over…’
‘Let me finish! It has come to my attention that I am the only person working in this building who has not earned one of these names.’
‘I’m really… Uh… what?’
‘I want to know just why I have been singled out like this?’
‘But…’
‘Don’t make excuses, Maxwell! It’s obvious that I’ve been found lacking in some manner in your eyes, since this whole system has your signature ‘style’ all over it.’
‘No, Wufei, it’s not like that at all! I… uh…’
‘That after all these years you find me unworthy in some way, pains me a great deal. I had thought we were friends.’
‘Unworthy? That’s not exactly what I would call it, but…’
‘That’s all I have to say on the matter, Maxwell; good day.’
‘…’
‘…’
‘Well, damn.’
‘He does look pretty pissed at you.’
‘Me? Why just at me? I wasn’t exactly in this alone, C4!’
‘Yeah, but you were our ring leader, Nitro.’
‘How quickly they turn.’
‘So what are you going to do now?’
‘What else? Where’s your thesaurus?’
‘You realize that if you give him a name, we’re all actually going to have to use these stupid things, don’t you?’
‘As pissed as he was thinking he was just being left out, you think I’m going to tell him that he was being played by the whole damn organization?’
‘Good point.’
‘So, what do you think of TNT?’
_____________________________________________
‘Why Chang Wufei, as I live and breathe, are you joining me for lunch?’
‘Since we had a date, woman, you don’t need to act so surprised.’
‘The surprise is the fact that you remembered.’
‘How could I forget such a lovely lady?’
‘Oh, isn’t somebody just feeling quite smug and superior! I take it things went well?’
‘Things went delightfully well.’
‘You may say thank you now.’
‘Thank you, my dear Napalm.’
‘And now you may buy me lunch.’
‘Since that was the deal, I suppose it could be arranged.’
‘Half the deal, Chang. Now I want the juicy details!’
‘You are an insufferable gossip, you know that?’
‘I will only be listening to the juicy details; you will be telling them, which makes you the insufferable gossip.’
‘And rather cold-hearted too… turning on your former allies like that.’
‘I was more like a hired mercenary, and Duo forgot he owned me lunch. When you buy your allies, you must understand that mercenaries go to the highest bidder.’
‘Do I have to worry about you turning out to be a double-agent?’
‘Guess you’re just going to have to make sure my loyalties stay bought.’
‘Dinner?’
‘Actually, the Cirque du Soleil is in town next month and I’d love to go see the show.’
‘This could get expensive.’
‘I suppose that depends on how long you intend to drag this joke out.’
‘Only long enough to hear the two of them growling those names at each other through gritted teeth.’
‘You are an evil man, Wufei.’
‘Well, that explains why I am dating an evil woman.’
__________________________________
End