*Based on the song 'Animals', by Nickelback
Disclaimer: I don't own them and I don't make any money off of them.
Warnings: Male/Male sex, graphic, language, violence.
How do you wait two years, to touch, to talk, to make love to the man that you want, body and soul, more than anything else in the world, after everyone has given you the go ahead to do just that? You bury yourself in your finances, in building your credit in the money world and in society, you take on the tougher missions, so that your mind is only on keeping yourself and your troops alive, and you avoid all of his attempts to see you alone.
Will he wait? Will he grow angry and find someone else? 'Will he' had been the start of too many thoughts during those years. The looks from Heero hadn't helped Duo's confidence in his decision either. Those looks had started out with longing and anxiousness and then had hardened into grimness.Damn him anyway, Duo thought, more than once. It had been his plan to begin with, a plan that he could see working, his life maturing and flowering in very important ways. When he thought of the past, and how wild, irresponsible, and, yes, crazy from the war, he had been, he shuddered to think what sort of life they'd be living now. Therapy, education, and simply living a semi normal life had gone a long way to making Duo a much better person.People had feared him, and for good reason, considering his skills, but now they trusted him and honored him. He had a place carved out of life that was solid and had a future. The only question now, was, would Heero want to be a part of that life?
Three weeks. Duo had the day marked in red. Every morning, he had sat up in bed, and marked the calendar next to the bed. As the day grew closer, he thought, more and more, why wait? Why should the exact day matter? He couldn't bring himself to break that self imposed date, though. It seemed too important, as if cheating would somehow ruin all of their sacrifice.
Next to his clock, on the bedside table, was his bank book, his therapy evaluation, and a stack of house listings. They seemed just as ritualistic as the calendar. They reminded him, like the day circled in red, what his goals were. The bank book reflected a large balance of credits. The therapy evaluation noted his growing maturity and his great progress in dealing with post war syndrome and the effects of having a less than stellar childhood. The house listings, displayed his dream of a two story on the edge of downtown, with a small yard, and an in home gym.
Duo had his shirt open as he lay in bed and stared at that red circle. His hand ghosted over his Deathscythe tattoo. He had marked himself with the past, to show the world, what had been the most important time of his life, and to remind them that he mattered, that they had to sit up and take notice of him. Living on the street, with nothing to his name, that acknowledgement had seemed very important. Now, it seemed childish, like the rocket ship across his back. It strained toward the sky, wanting to fly free. His front spoke of his loneliness and his need for recognition, but his back showed that he wanted free of that old life and wanted something for his soul, for his heart. That something was Heero and the life he led now. He couldn't blast into that, though, like the rocket ship, and ignore everything that they had needed to make their troubled lives a success.
His cell rang and Duo answered it, still half in a dream, and staring at that red circle.
"Duo?" Heero's voice was a shock, as if his thoughts had called him, somehow.
"Heero? What's up? Why're you calling?" Duo's reply was as confused and as blurry as his mind.
"We have a mission together," Heero explained. His voice gave away nothing of his feelings. It was professional, as if he were speaking to a fellow captain and nothing more. It made a knot form in Duo's chest.
"Why would Une suddenly want us together?" Duo wondered, trying to pull himself together as he sat up in bed and cradled the phone against his ear. "She's been pretty hard assed about the 'no missions together', rule. We've been under different commanders, and working the same missions, but... not together."
Duo could sense Heero's frown. He wasn't making sense even to himself. He had to get his emotions under control.
"What's the mission?" Duo tried again, this time pretending that Heero was just another agent.
"South Asia," Heero responded. "They discovered a group there trying to manufacture beam cannons. We're to go in first and scout the installation."
"And it won't be a walk in the hydroponics garden, if Une wants us both on the mission," Duo knew.
"Correct," Heero replied.
The impersonal sound of his voice was pure pain for Duo. There was another reason that Une would allow their mission together, if Heero had told her that there was no longer a possible relationship going on with Agent Duo Maxwell.
"It's rough country," Heero was saying. "They built their installation in the rock, to avoid detection. Preventers wouldn't have known about it at all, if a satellite hadn't picked up an odd signal from that area. Further investigation, revealed a sudden influx of carrier movements in the nearest town to that area. Recon moved in and reported suspected beam cannon production before their transmission was suddenly cut off. Contact hasn't been made with them since. They also reported that the installation was heavily seeded with detectors and automatic weapons.
Duo became excited despite his worry about Heero. "So they need us to go in, get past the booby traps, confirm what's going on there, and paint them for the good guys to come in and take them out?"
"Yes," Heero replied and Duo could hear the same adrenalin excitement in Heero's voice.
"I'm there!" Duo told him and bounced off of his bed to grab the duffel bag that he always kept packed and ready.
"One hour to launch," Heero told him. "Pack high altitude, mountain gear, and meet me on pad 4."
"Roger!" Duo replied.
The connection was ended and Duo pocketed his cell as he slung his duffel over one shoulder and made his way to supply. Whatever was, or wasn't between Heero and himself, would have to wait, he told himself firmly. This was work, and it didn't have room for love and heart ache. His heart wasn't listening, though, and it throbbed in his chest as he ordered his supplies and wondered how he was going to deal with a long jump ship ride, with a man that he wanted more than anything else in the world.
____________________________________
There was something about a man in fresh washed fatigues and combat boots, Duo thought, as he slung his duffel under his seat and secured it, that hit all of his 'switches'. He tried not to look too hard at his traveling companion, but the space was cramped in the small carrier, and they were forced almost knee to knee, across from each other, in the narrow aisle, as the ship gave them hard gs on takeoff. Once the ship angled off and arrowed towards their destination, there was nothing to do but listen to the loud roar of the engines and stare at each other.
Heero was trying his best to appear professional but his eyes were drinking Duo in from under his fall of hair.In the next few days, this was the man his life would depend on, Duo thought, his partner, in more ways than one. It was necessary to clear the air, but a hard thing to do in that environment.
"We can't do this, unless you keep it in your gut, locked down tight, Heero," Duo said above the sound of the engines.
"I know," Heero said with a bite of irritation, but his eyes didn't loose that look.
"We may have to make some shitty decisions," Duo pressed on, maybe more for his own sake than Heero's. "Someone might go down and get left. We can't second guess a decision like that, we can't let feelings play any part in this."
Heero was suddenly unstrapped and across the aisle. His lips were as hard as his grip as he bore down on Duo and simply possessed him, took him into his embrace completely and devoured him with his mouth. Duo gasped into that kiss and felt his entire being scream, 'Yes!'. He grabbed back, thick gloves hampering him and buckles and straps keeping him from taking Heero down to the floor and doing what heart and body wanted most of all.
Heero broke the kiss and searched Duo's eyes. "If one of us might die," he said, "then we won't die not having kissed one last time." He was back in his seat, then, and Duo was left cold and floundering, not certain whether to be angry or grateful.
"Heero, please," was all that Duo could manage. He didn't have the words to express the turmoil in his mind. He couldn't go on a mission in that condition. He'd get them both killed.
Heero grimaced and then glared at the clock tucked back along one all. It was ticking off their time until they had to jump. "Une shouldn't have put us in this situation."
"No shit," Duo snarled and then closed his eyes as he banged his head back against his metal seat.
"It was necessary," Heero continued as he checked his weapons, and then his gear, leaning forward against his straps.
"We're the only ones who can do this," Duo agreed and found strength in that statement as he bent to check his own gear.
"Because of who we are," Heero added firmly.
"The best of the best," Duo said with a nod.
"We know how to give all, for the cause," Heero said as he zipped up his bag and looked up at Duo, his gaze steady.
"To the last drop of blood," Duo agreed, looking up as well and finding his balance at last, the part of him that was Shinigami, not Heero's soon to be lover... if they survived.
"To the last strip of flesh," Heero said.
"To the last breath," Duo finished and his eyes had gone flat and impersonal, mirrors of the eyes of the man across from him.
"Prepare for jump," a voice on the loudspeaker warned.
"Let's do this, partner," Heero said as he popped buckles and stood.
"Right with you, partner," Duo replied."They won't know what hit them."
The green light lit up and Duo grinned and made his jump. Heero watched him summersault in a controlled fall, and then he followed. They landed with laser GPS near a wooded area, and slipped into darkness to bury their chutes. After 'cleaning' the area, they jogged, double time, for a lung burning twenty minutes, and then took their bearings.
"Skies clear," Duo reported as he checked his proximity alarm.
"We need to make camp until dawn," Heero said as he switched off a low flashlight and checked their time. "We'll break our necks, eventually, if we keep going at this speed over the next leg of terrain."
"All rocks and snow," Duo remembered, already feeling the chill. He shivered as he began tossing rocks away from a likely sleeping spot.
"We can't chance heat packs," Heero said as he dropped his gear and pulled out.
"Of course not," Duo growled. "If anyone uses heat sensors, we're toast."
Duo unrolled a sleeping bag next to Heero's and then took alarms out of his pack. "I'll set up the perimeter. Sit tight."
"Will do," Heero replied as he broke out an energy bar and began eating as he looked about them at the dark forest.
Only a full moon was giving them any light at all. Duo was forced to set up his alarms by almost feel alone. When he returned, whatever warmth the sun and adrenaline had given him was long gone. He shivered harder and Heero felt it through his glove as he reached for the energy bar, that Heero handed him.
"You're freezing," Heero said worriedly.
"And you're not?" Duo barked back and then glared as he unzipped his sleeping bag. "Hey, I spent a few months in the desert.Night time is cold, but not this cold. I've got to acclimate my nads, then I'll be good to go."
"We don't have a lot of time for that," Heero replied seriously. "If you think you'll have difficulty on the mountains...?"
"You'll be staring at my backside the entire way, partner, don't worry," Duo replied.
"We should conserve energy," Heero suggested as he finished his 'meal' and put the wrapper in his gear.
"If that's some sort of lame assed way of getting into a sleeping bag with me... well, I don't have that much in the way of self control," Duo retorted.
"Zip them together," Heero explained, "and put some gear between us inside."
Duo considered the idea and then nodded. "Okay. Sounds like a plan." He didn't want to admit how very cold he was, and how it felt as if it were sinking into his bones with teeth. The prospect of losing control with Heero, in a sleeping bag, seemed the lesser of the two evils just then.
They didn't zip up, even though they zipped the middle of the sleeping bags together. A length of rope went between them and a water canteen, to keep it from freezing during the night. Stretching out, back to back, they each held their guns in their hands, ready for any trouble.
"If I go down, and you screw up the mission, for me, I'll kill you," Duo suddenly growled to the darkened forest.
"I'll leave you in your blood," Heero replied sleepily, "As long as you promise to do the same for me?"
"I won't waste a second on you," Duo promised. "Not a damn second." His voice was trailing off into sleep, the double sleeping bags filling with their warmth.
"Not even if I beg," Heero said around a yawn.
"That likely?" Duo wanted to know.
"No, not really."
"Good... hate whiners..."
"Me too."
"Heero?"
"Yes, Duo?"
"Love you."
"Love you too, Duo."
"Now shut up and sleep."
"Roger that."
There was a long pause, the silence stretching between them, and then Duo asked, "Say it again."
"Which part?" Heero groused.
"Dipweed."
"Hair for brains."
"Tell me?"
"Love you, Duo."
"Love you too, Heero."
TBC