Lost and Found
1x2, 3x4, 5x Sally
Warning:Angst, violence, graphic... the usual.
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"Duo?"
Heero's voice behind him was quickly followed by a cashier saying, "I told you, sir, you can't bring that cat in here."
Duo whirled and blinked as he backed up from the vision of Heero Yuy, looking tired and needy, with Diss balancing on one shoulder.
"Diss?" The cat wasn't going to leave it's familiar perch, in a strange place, but it looked excitedly at Duo and dug in claws on Heero's shoulder.
"Before you say anything," Heero said as he slowly walked forward and brought the cat down into his ams. "Take him back."
Duo took the cat and held it close, The cat bumped it's head under his chin and purred, but being glad that Diss was safe, was buried under a landslide of bitterness. "Why won't you fucking leave me alone?!"
Heero flinched and hung his head and a manager said quickly, "You two take it outside, or I'll call the cops!"
Duo felt a balloon of roiling emotions swell inside of him, ready to burst. He put the cat back into Heero's arms. "Keep him. There's no place for him, where I'm going."
Feeling the warmth of the cat, leave his arms, was enough to bring tears to his eyes. Duo dashed them off , backhanded, as he began striding for the front door of the grocery. Outside, the sky was too bright. He blinked against it, oriented himself for only a moment, and then took a left, deciding, suddenly, that the nearest space port was his next destination. Maybe in space he could finally find a hole to crawl into and find some peace at last.
"Can I please talk to you?" Heero begged behind him. "I have a room, over there. Just give me a few minutes."
"You did your talking when you lied to Preventers," Duo snarled back. "Nothing else, that you can say, can be trusted after that shit!"
"Is everything okay, Solo?"
They both turned and saw Dan, groceries crooked in one arm, frowning and ready to jump in and help his friend. Duo felt the chill of fear. Heero could so easily hurt or kill that simple man. It drove home how different they both were and how much he endangered these people just by being around them. Their world wasn't for people who had spent a great deal of their lives killing. They were too fragile.
"Everything's fine, Dan," Duo hurried to assure him. "He's just a bum wanting a couple of credits. Completely crazy, really. You gotta feel sorry for them."
Dan rummaged in a pocket and brought out a credit chip. He put it into Heero's surprised hand and said, "There you go. There's a few credits on that one. Don't spend it on booze, okay? Get some food and stop bothering people."
Heero closed his hand on the credit. Duo felt like laughing, but he strangled it. It was too full of bitterness and anger. He hadn't needed to see Dan, just then, not when he was leaving, never to see the man, or anyone else there, again.
"I have to run some more errands," Duo told the man. "See you tomorrow at work, Dan."
"Bright and early," Dan sighed, not looking forward to the prospect of work. "Hey, I just remembered. The kid wants you over for her birthday party this weekend. It's another cookout with cake, so don't say no. Katie really liked you, last time you were there. Don't worry about a gift, but if you do, she likes Pony Princess dolls."
Duo's smile was tight, the pain blossoming. "I'll see what my busy schedule is like."
Dan laughed. "Oh, yeah, just full of activities and dates, right?"
"You bet," Duo replied.
"Be there," Dan jokingly warned, gave a wave goodbye, and went down the street.
Duo's smile dropped as he stared after him with the tears threatening again. "That's what I want. I want that kind of peace. I had it, for a little while. No shooting. No killing. No putting out 'the terrorist fires'. You did me a favor, getting me out of Preventers, but there's nothing else, you see, for someone like us. We fight, or we hide. We don't get to rest... ever."
"I left Preventers," Heero said. "I realized the same thing. I didn't like who I was, or what I needed to validate my existence. I destroyed you to keep myself safe in the life that was all that I had known. I was less than human in that decision."
"Scum, you mean," Duo grated back, "A calculating, cold, lying, bastard, really, with no loyalty to the guy who stayed friends with him, no matter what. I had your back and you stabbed mine!"
Duo began walking, hunched over as his breath hitched. People moved out of his way, his angry face making them nervous. The footsteps behind him confirmed that Heero was following him. Duo turned his steps towards the outskirts of town. If they were going to fight, then he wanted them safely away from everyone who could get hurt. The back lot of the mill seemed a perfect place for two ex Gundam pilots to take each other down.
"I realized that I had a problem," Heero was saying behind him. "I wanted to apoligize to you, even if you won't ever forgive me."
"Then why follow me?" Duo demanded without turning around. "You already apoligized, remember? I already told you to take it and shove it."
"I was afraid that I had made you do something..." Heero trailed off, not wanting to say it.
"Crazy? Suicidal?" Duo supplied as they left shops and people behind and took the winding road down to the mill.
"Yes," Heero replied.
"I'm not that damned stinking fragile!" Duo exclaimed. "My life doesn't hang on Preventers or people like you. I survive."
"That's our problem." Heero said softly. "We survive. We don't live unless we are on familiar ground. That ground has always been the battlefield. I panicked when I thought that I might be forced to leave it. I've never had to deal with civilian life."
Duo had, on occasion, so he knew the basics, he thought, but found it hard to dredge up sympathy for the man. Heero had ignored every one of Duo's attempts, in the past, to get him to open up and socialize more. The man had been willing to die for civilians, but hadn't a clue about actually living their kind of lives.
"You don't space your friends when you get scared," Duo told him, "Even a sociopathic soldier knows that, so I guess we were never really friends."
"That isn't true," Heero replied. "I thought... I thought that you would survive it, that Une would only censure you, and put you on report. Everyone likes you. Everyone knows what a loose cannon you are. I thought that you would find a way to convince them that you were too important to let go."
"So, you put me in the fire, because you thought that I was fireproof?" Duo wondered bitterly.
"Yes," Heero replied.
"Well, getting people killed is a hard fire to put out!" Duo snarled,"If they had let me keep on working, after that, I would have quit anyway. They wouldn't have stood for shit, letting murderers get off and still work for them."
There was a long silence and then Heero said in a voice that sounded despondant,"I killed those agents..."
Duo frowned as they passed a rusted out gate to the fenced in back lot of the mill. Old machinery stood in piles, covered in vines and sprouting grass. The sound of the mill was loud and the smell of wood was strong.
"I don't know if things would have been different, if we had made different decisions," Duo told him, "but, those men are dead, now. It's obvious who screwed up, isn't it? You can't candy coat shit like that, Heero."
"I should be in prison," Heero said in anguish.
Duo turned and faced him, blinking in astonishment at Heero's pale and distraught face. Diss was latched onto his shoulder, rubbing against his ear.
"You didn't pull the trigger," Duo found himself saying, as if on automatic, his mind trying to orient this picture of a man on the edge with the cold and professional Heero Yuy that he was familiar with. "They can only take you out of any position that lets you make bad decisions again."
Heero took a shaky breath. "I didn't just follow you to apologize," he admitted. "I... Never mind, it doesn't matter now. I'm not the kind of man anyone can... be around. I'll go. You don't need to leave this place. No one knows that you are here. Keep your peace."
"It's already ruined," Duo replied sadly. "I have to go anyway. Even if they don't find out who you are, people figure out that we aren't like them and that's just as bad. We'll always be looking at their lives from the outside. We can never-"
"I can see why you wouldn't spread your legs for me, now!"
They both turned, reaching for hidden weapons, as Corman approached.
"You're someone else's bitch," Corman sneered. "You should know better than to air your dirty laundry where there are cameras to see." He pointed to the posts around them and the sun catching on lenses. "Now I've got two people, on vid feed, who have something to hide. I'm sure a few calls will satisfy my curiousity and make life hell for you. I'm very sure, now, that you're important enough that no one will ask questions if they get a tip as to your whereabouts. And, in case you were thinking of doing me any harm, those cameras are still recording."
"Who is this man?" Heero growled, brows coming down in a dangerous scowl.
"Ex-boss, resident pervert," Duo replied.
Heero approached the man and Corman looked nervous as Heero went toe to toe with him. Blue eyes bore into the man. "I don't know why you thought that you could say things like that to him, but anything else that comes out of your mouth, may make me uncontrollably angry."
"I can take care of him myself!" Duo snarled.
"I know that you can," Heero replied, "I'm not protecting you, I'm stating my feelings."
"Stating your feelings?" Duo repeated, confused.
"It's something that I should have done a long time ago," Heero replied, not letting his eyes waver from Corman's eyes. "When I didn't have my fear, of losing my place, any longer, I realized what I had lost, what I had destroyed. I have feelings, Duo, for you."
Duo winced as Corman's eyes grew wide and he repeated, "Duo?"
Heero's frown went darker. "I'm not going to be afraid. I know that you hate me, Duo, and that you won't forgive me, but I do have feelings for you. I want to watch your back, again. I want to be there for you. I'll never betray you ever again."
Corman dared a sneer. "Feelings? What the hell? That's a pretty fancy way of saying you want to stick it in him. Seems you have less of a chance than me, dipshit, so you can stop with the game. Pretty boy, there, won't let a dick near that ass. He's too straight for that girl he's living with."
Duo didn't give Heero time to react as he snorted, "You have that wrong, dumbass. Not that it matters. You stand there and play footsie with boss man, Heero. I'm leaving. You're just saying confusing, crazy shit, and I'm not listening any more."
"Stop running away, Duo," Heero begged. "There isn't anywhere to go. You know that, so why try? Why not let me talk to you, away from all of this? We can go to your place, or mine, and I can-"
"I don't have a place anymore!" Duo shouted at him, startling Diss and making the cat dig nails into Heero. "My job's gone. Boss man is going to tell everyone who we are. Look at him! He's already putting it together. Duo Maxwell! Heero Yuy! Ex- gundam pilots. Get the spelling straight! You were trying to make it with Shinigami, dumb ass!"
The man's eyes went wide and he fell backwards in total fear, stammering, "Oh, shit! Oh, shit! I-I didn't mean anything! Don't kill me! SHIT! Let me go, please! I'll leave! I won't say anything! I promise! Please!"
"He's going to call Preventers as soon as he's out of sight," Duo told Heero. "I've got nothing here, anymore."
"I wouldn't say that," Dan said behind them. "Seems you've got some friends, who, maybe, knew all along who you were, and didn't care."
"Dan?" Duo exclaimed, astonished.
Dan looked embarrassed. He rubbed the back of his neck as he watched Heero and Corman warily. "When you two started walking, I wondered if you might need more help than you were asking for," he admitted, "So I followed."
"You knew who I was?" Duo asked.
Dan nodded. "Not right off, but my second kid has this thing for Gundams. He knew you right away. Couldn't you tell by the way he was hanging on your every word? I told him you were undercover, though, and it was his mission to keep you a secret."He shrugged. "You we working like everyone else, you're a nice guy, and you're good with my kids. Who cares about anything else?"
"Maybe you don't care, but others will," Duo replied bitterly.
"So they won't be your friends," Dan pointed out. "Your real ones will more than make up for it. If you're saying that it doesn't matter where you go, then why not stay right here? Running away doesn't make sense, unless you're running from this guy right here?"He pointed to a terrified Corman, "Or maybe that guy?" He pointed to Heero next. "Seemed like you had a lot more balls, Solo... er, Duo. Everyone knows your face. You have to live with that. Give it time, and people will get over it, though."
"Where did the brains come from Dan? You never had them before," Duo suddenly laughed.
"It came free with my last six pack of beer," Dan snickered back. He grew more serious, then, and said, "What I'm saying is, that you have to give it a chance to blow over. If it don't, then make your decision to stay or go. You don't run every time someone says something to you, that you don't like."
Duo glared at Heero. "Some people make staying a hard decision to make."
"I'll send him packing for you," Dan told him, though he did look uncertain about facing a famous Gundam pilot.
"Thanks, but," Duo began, but Heero cut him off.
Heero put the cat into Duo's arms. "Don't worry. I'll go. You won't have to see me again."
Corman used that moment to run. They watched him go and Duo sighed. "He'll take a minute to change his pants and then he'll be calling every vid news feed in town."
"Looks like we're out of a job,"Dan said despondently. "The wife isn't going to be happy."
Duo frowned. "I don't think I can fix that, but I can get some revenge. It's time someone took Corman down."
Dan looked frightened, then. "You won't..."
"Kill him?" Duo snorted. "No, but he has a lot of secrets that need revealing to the general public. I'm sure his state of the art vid equipment can help with that, very nicely, too."
"Duo?" Heero pleaded. "I still want to talk, before I go."
"Can it!" Duo snapped. "I'm not dealing with you right now. I'm taking Diss to my home and then I'm going to do some hacking before the news shows up at my doorstep. I don't know what I'm going to do, after that. I have a lot to think about."
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"God, I missed you, Diss!" Duo crooned to the cat as he smoothed hands over the happy cat after putting him on his bed. The skinny stray butted his head against him and purred thunderously. "Don't get used to the digs, okay? We're going to be bugging out of here shortly. I guess Heero proved that you can travel rough, if you have to. I'll take you with me and see how that goes, okay? I don't really want to leave you behind again."
Heero was naive, Duo thought, if he believed that he could stay in that town, after Corman revealed who he was. Dan might be okay with it, and had said so again, when they had parted company, but Duo knew that others wouldn't be as accepting.
Leaving the cat behind, Duo returned to the mill. He was angry when he found Heero still there, and hacking into the very mainframe that he had intended to sabotage. The computer room was small and full of sawdust. Heero looked worried at Duo's furious expression as he straightened from his work. They had to stand very close, old cooling fans making a loud noise, and the sound of the mill penetrating the half open doorway.
"I don't need your help, asshole!" Duo snarled.
"No, you don't," Heero replied, "But you have it anyway."
"I don't want help that I can't trust!" Duo retorted and shoved at Heero, wanting him to go. "You'd better go, before someone else dies from your bad decisions."
It was meant to wound and Heero went pale. It was meant to drive the man away, as well, but it failed. Heero's expression hardened.
"I deserve anything that you have to say to me," Heero replied. "I know that I can never take away what happened... what I did.. I told you that I was sorry, but that was incredibly pathetic. I don't have any hope of forgiveness."
Duo's fingers had been flying over the computers while Heero had talked, a frown on his face. When Heero finally stopped, he turned and grabbed Heero's shirt hard and fisted hands there harshly.
"I don't want to apologize, because apologies aren't any good!" Duo mocked. "I don't want to atone, because nothing can atone for killing people. I just want you to be happy!" He shoved Heero away from him. "I wanted to be happy with you, Heero! With you, you dumb shit! I wanted you, all of this time. You killed that. I'm never getting that back, because you decided that your career was more important!"
Heero was trembling. He ran hands over his face and his eyes looked devastated. Duo turned from him, yanked out a keyboard and set the visuals to send to the local news station., and the state government. Corman might have local officials in his corner, but he would have a hard time explaining his violations to higher ups.
When Duo finished, and looked back, Heero was gone. Duo had expected more argument. It made him angrier, that he hadn't gotten it.
"Sorry about the jobs, guys," Duo muttered, as he left the computer room. "But I've decided that your lives are more important."
"Nice sentiment," Corman said as he aimed a rifle at his chest.
Duo froze, seeing Heero there as well, looking dangerous, but powerless as Corman kept them both under his line of fire.
"See this gold badge on the rifle stock?" Corman asked them. "Three time sharpshooter champion. Don't try any shit."
"Hey, boss, what's going on?"
Several men had wandered by and had seen what was going on.
"Is there trouble with these guys?" one of them asked Corman and then started when he recognized Duo. "Hey, Duo? What's up?"
They were worried, knowing Corman's temper, but they were all concerned for Duo, as well, a man who's job kept them safer than they would have been, and who had always shown concern for them.
"Nothing is going on," Heero told them, quickly, ignoring the gun aiming at his head in warning. "Mr. Corman was just showing us his prize rifle."
Duo stared and then plastered on a grin, "Yeah, guys, don't be stupid."
"Oh, sorry," the man said, looking sheepish. "We'll be getting back to work."
They continued on their way and Corman said to Heero. "That was brave. I was about to take all of you out. Wouldn't want any witnesses."
"You're crazy!" Duo retorted. "You're not going to get away with this."
"Won't I?" Corman snickered. "I was going to tell everyone where you were, but then, I figured, how would that make your end painful enough to satisfy me?" He nodded to the computer room, "Don't think that will save you either. I made sure to pull the net. You're uploading to air."
"We'll go quietly with you," Heero told him. "No one else has to be involved."
"Oh, they'll be involved," Corman chuckled darkly, "They'll be involved in the cleanup. It's amazing how little evidence a chipper leaves of a man when those blades get through with him." He motioned with his rifle. "Get going."
Heero and Duo fell in, side by side, and walked slowly towards the chipper. "Who's going to feed my cat now?" Duo asked Heero angrily. "Another one of your decisions is going to get our asses chipped."
Heero glared. "This was your plan, as I recall."
Duo winced. "Why didn't you talk me out of it?"
"Would you have listened?" Heero wanted to know.
"No, guess not." Duo sighed and then, softly, "I don't want you to die, even after everything. Why don't you make a run for it? I'll hold him off."
"This is all my fault," Heero argued. "I came here to help you. You should run. I'll stop him."
"Why would you want to die for me?" Duo demanded, "and don't tell me, you'd give me your life because you falsified Preventer paperwork."
"That's not the only reason, " Heero replied, but then asked, confused, "Why would you want to die for me?"
They looked at each other for a long moment, not replying, but seeing many things in each other's expression.
"Did you really think that I would come out squeaky clean from a falsified botched mission report?" Duo wanted to know, finally.
Heero nodded. "Yes. I wouldn't have accused you, otherwise."
"That's messed up, Heero," Duo replied.
"That's why I don't work for Preventers any longer," Heero agreed.
"I guess we both have enough issues to make Preventers a bad place for us," Duo sighed.
"Shut up!" Corman snarled and jabbed Duo in the back with his rifle.
Duo glared over his shoulder. "Hey, if we're going to die, at least let us clear the air between us before we do."
"Have we?" Heero wanted to know anxiously.
Duo glared at him next and then snorted. "Cleared the air? We're working on it. I'm still going to be pissed... for awhile yet."
"Awhile?" Corman chuckled darkly, "Only if your 'awhile' spans one minute."
They were standing in front of the chipper. The loader truck was off getting it's load of chips dumped in a far off pile. The workers were inside of the bed, raking it out. The noise of the mill and the turning blades was deafening. The falling chips of wood were shooting down into the bin at a fast rate of speed. Without a safety deflector, it was filling a random space, a danger to any worker who might be sent in to clear a jam. Safety had been sacrificed, once again, for speed.
Duo met Heero's eyes and he smiled. Heero smiled back.
Corman lifted the gun, threatening them both. "Start climbing."
Duo snorted, "You know, being shot is a lot cleaner than getting chipped, don't you think so, Heero?"
"I agree," Heero replied as he blinked up at the open maw of the chipper machine."The first bullet might not be affective, but even one or two more would be less painful than-"
"Shut up and climb!" Corman snarled. "I can shoot off private parts, first!" He leered at Duo, madness in his eyes, "Then no one will have that dick of yours, you little cock tease whore."
Heero spun and his fist shot out, even as Duo turned and caught the barrel of the rifle and thrust it aside. A bullet ripped into the chips harmlessly, but Corman wouldn't let go of the rifle, even as he rocked from Heero's blow.
"I told you not to say things like that to him!" Heero shouted as he hit Corman again.
Another bullet whizzed past Duo, just missing his thigh. He flinched and Corman took that moment to put his weight behind his rifle and pull backward violently, determined to have it. He lost his balance, in the next instant, and fell backward into the bin. He was quickly lost under mounds of chips.
"Get the controls!" Heero shouted and searched the pile as if he fully intended to go in after Corman.
"Don't be a hero!" Duo shouted back as he ran and hit the stop button. "You are not dying for that sack of shit."
The blades ground to a halt and the chips stopped falling, sawdust drifting lazily. They stared at the immense pile and then started digging. When the workers returned, they had the men help. They found Corman after a long while, and it didn't take more than a glance to confirm that he was dead.
"We'll have to explain, this, somehow," Heero sighed as he wiped sawdust off of his face.
"I turned the vid feed back on, when I found that Corman had disabled it," Duo told him. We have video proof that he was trying to kill us."
"We will still have to explain why," Heero replied.
"That'll make a good report," Duo swore, "Mill worker, who's actually Gundam Wing pilot Duo Maxwell, is saved from being Mill owner's sex slave by another ex Gundam pilot, Heero Yuy. News at eleven."
"It doesn't sound good, when you say it that way," Heero replied. "but I don't see what else we can do."
"Run?" Duo suggested.
"Can't we stop running?" Heero asked. "Don't you think that Dan was right?"
"No," Duo retorted, as he turned away, "I don't."
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It did take time to explain, to authorities, but Heero and Duo were pleasantly surprised when the other mill workers came forward to support Duo. The police were impressed by Heero's Preventer status, and he failed to mention that he wasn't an agent any longer. His legendary status, gave them their freedom.
"I think I'm pissed," Duo said as they walked backed to his home.
Heero, walking beside him, glanced sideways nervously. "Why?"
"I'm pissed, because they were all over you, buying whatever you sold them," Duo explained as he jammed hands into his pockets and hunched down into his collar. "Why am I always the one they think will murder people?"
Heero thought carefully about his answer and then replied softly, "I've lived my life following orders. I'm not... impulsive. They know that."
"Not impulsive?" Duo snorted. "You stuck a cat on your shoulder and looked for a man who didn't want to be found. That's pretty impulsive... crazy, even."
Heero smiled, as if he were afraid too, and then said, "You make me do things."
"I do?" Duo frowned. "You like to blame me a lot, Yuy."
Heero winced and then tentatively reached out and put a finger into a belt loop on Duo's jeans, to keep Duo from striding away from him. "That's not blame. It's part of an explanation."
Duo smacked his hand away. "Look, I have to stay in town, while they complete their investigation, and so do you, but, once that's done-"
"You said that you would give me a chance," Heero reminded him.
"You've got it," Duo told him."From here to my place."
"Please, don't run again, Duo," Heero begged.
Duo scrubbed a hand over his face. "You know what it's like. They wait for you, and take vids. They put words in your mouth and plaster you all over the magazines. They..."
"Duo, I don't want that, any more than you do," Heero told him. "We can't escape it, though. All we can do, is learn to live with it."
Duo bowed his head, watching his shoes kick up the dust of the road, as they walked. "It was nice, just being nobody, for awhile, and it wasn't so bad, being the hero. When they make you the bad guy, though, all you can be is alone."
"I did that," Heero choked out.
Duo shrugged and didn't forgive. "Yeah, you did."
Heero slowly pulled out his cell phone. Duo looked sideways, watching him dial as they walked.
"Heero here," Heero said stiffly. "Commander Une? Let me speak, please. No, I won't reveal my location. I have information of interest. I was the one who put those men in danger during my mission with Duo Maxwell. I lied on my report. He argued against my decisions, but I refused his advice.I take full responsibility for my actions and for falsifying Preventer paperwork. I leave myself open to full legal and disciplinary action, and I intend to make my confession public. I'll contact you again, later."
Heero pocketed his phone and they walked quietly for a few moments.
"You think that's going to make me forgive and forget?" Duo finally asked.
"No," Heero replied, "but it was the right thing to do."
"They may put you in jail," Duo pointed out.
"They may," Heero agreed.
Duo faced him, expression one of anguish. "What's with you?! Why ruin your life, too? Why are you giving such a shit about me?"
"Because... I love you," Heero admitted. His face went pale, his blue eyes wincing, ready for a horrified, blistering rejection. "I don't have any hope, that you'll return that sentiment, but... you should know, any way."
Duo looked stunned, disblieving, and then asked quietly, "Why didn't you say something, before all of this?"
Heero looked down, his body trembling. "We were partners, and friends, too, I thought. I knew that you were gay, you didn't make any secret of it, but I was afraid to ask, to take the chance of making a mistake about how much you cared about me. Having part of you was better than losing all of you."
"That's chicken shit, Yuy!" Duo snarled. When Heero nodded, Duo punched him.
Heero sat down hard, on the side of the road, head bowed as he rubbed his aching jaw.
"At least I didn't even know that you were gay," Duo continued. "If I'd known..." He shook his head hard. "What the hell? We'd still be doing this dance, wouldn't we? We'd still be playing, who's to blame, and who screwed who over. If we'd been lovers, you still would have stabbed me in the back to save your career."
"I can't answer that," Heero replied dejectedly. "I don't play 'what ifs'. What's done is done. It was messed up, something that I need professional help for, so that I never do that again. Perhaps, they'll assign a psychologist to me in jail?"
Duo glared at him and then stuck a hand out. Heero took it and Duo pulled him to his feet. "You thought that Preventers was all that you had, just like me," Duo said. "When all the ground you have, is under your feet, you fight to keep it. It wasn't until I lost my bit of ground, that I realized that there was a hell of a lot more ground, than I realized."
"Is there?" Heero replied sadly. "I feel lost... and alone. If I spend my time in jail, at least it will better than this confusion."
Duo reached out and gingerly touched Heero's bruising jaw. "Did I break it?"
"No," Heero replied. "You didn't put your weight behind your fist."
"Why do you think that is?" Duo asked, with raised eyebrows, wanting Heero to understand..
Heero said nothing and Duo sighed.
"You can't depend on me to be your ground," Duo said firmly. "That's what you want, isn't it?" When Heero looked surprised, Duo went on, "We're both learning something, here, learning to be civilians, learning that we have a life, all our own, outside of missions and organizations. You failed the test, Heero, big time, but I can't say that I did too well, either, the way I've tried to hide from everything. Being together, now, is not good for either of us. We have to let some water go under the bridge, for awhile longer. We have to figure out how to pass the test first. Want another metaphor? I hope, not, because I'm clean out."
"Then, you'll stay, here?" Heero wanted to know.
"Yeah, I guess that I need to stop running, and tough it out," Duo replied, but then gripped Heero's chin and looked into his eyes, "but only if you do that too. Get a place, get a job, and find out who Heero Yuy is. When you do, when we are both sure that we aren't going to use each other to hide behind, like we hid behind Preventers, we can talk about us."
"I'd like that," Heero replied, "but if I fail again...?"
"Then you'll be one, lonely, messed up, bastard," Duo told him point blank. "I won't be hanging around you."
Heero nodded and then took a shuddering breath. "I should go back to my apartment, then, and make plans."
"Yeah, I think that you should," Duo replied.
Duo watched Heero turn and walk away, and felt his traitor heart constict, wanting anything, but for Heero to go.
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"How's he doing?" Dan wanted to know as he gave the stuck lever a last hard push. It gave under his strength and the machine started up again.
Duo shrugged as he put the cover back into place and screwed it in.
Dan held up hands defensively. "Okay, okay, it's none of my business. I know I tell you all about the misses, and the kids, and the wart on my big toe, but you don't have to do the same."
Duo threw him a look and grunted as he led the way back into the depths of the mill. A nephew of Corman's had inherited it, and kept it running, but, after the news vid expose, he was more inclined to run it properly. No one had lost their job, including them, and that had spelled out, clearly, that there hadn't been any love between Corman and his nephew.
"Heero has a job, at the local IT," Duo replied at last. "He's good with computers, so he's comfortable."
Dan nodded and then said, "Seems like you should be doing a job like that, being who you are, not mucking around with mill work."
"I like hard work," Duo replied, "and I hate offices."
Dan chuckled, "You're weird, Maxwell, very weird. I'd take an air conditioned job, sitting on my ass, any day."
"Yeah?" Duo raised eyebrows at him. "I could teach you to do a job like that."
Dan looked skeptical."I doubt it. I'm not that smart, in case you hadn't noticed."
"Maybe it doesn't take smarts?" Duo countered. "Maybe it just takes common sense? You have a hell of a lot of that, Dan."
"I'm old shoe leather, Duo," Dan snickered, "Only good for the bottom of shoes, or following around the guy with the real brains."
"Any time that you want to change that opinion, see me," Duo told him firmly. "The offer stays open."
"And miss all of this beautiful scenery, and the wonderful smell of sawdust and machine grease? I'd have to be crazy, like you," Dan joked.
Another worker walked by and gave Duo a nervous look. Duo pretended not to see it.
"Well, if you won't talk about Yuy, how are you holding up under your sudden fame?"
"Fame?" Duo jammed hands into his pockets and scowled. "I would just like not to hear, or read, yet another report of how ex-Gundam pilot, Duo Maxwell, was discovered working at a mill, after killing his boss."
"At least they stopped camping out on your door step," Dan sympathized.
"The landlord had to get court orders," Duo grunted. "I think I've only managed to keep my place, because he's too afraid to kick me out."
"Yet, you're staying, even after everything?" Dan said, thoughtfully.
Duo blushed slightly and replied, guardedly, "I guess I have reasons."
Dan chuckled, "Which I'm not going to hear about?"
Duo glared, "No... not yet. Things are still working themselves out."
And they were. As Duo concentrated on fixing another machine, balanced precariously six feet off of the floor, while Dan spotted him, Duo had to wonder at Heero's commitment to prove himself. After the man had given his confession to the news vids, the story of a top Preventer, ex Gundam pilot, falsifying a mission report, and ruining the career of Duo Maxwell, had vied with his own notoriety for coverage. The expected news, of Heero's imprisonment, hadn't followed, though, and Duo had to wonder why.
Dan said something that was lost in the machine noise of the mill. Duo squinted down at him and shouted back, "What?"
"The hair, numb nuts!" Dan shouted, louder.
Duo reached back and found his braid dangling. He tucked it under his shirt and jammed it through his belt, to hold it there. Even a few hairs could wrap into machinery, pull the rest of his hair in, and kill him in a very ugly way. It alerted Duo to how much he was distracted by thoughts of Heero. He couldn't afford distractions during his dangerous job. Heero was trying his best to find himself and a life. Duo needed to not lose the one that he had found. He needed to forget about Heero, as hard as that was, until they were both ready.
Finished with the machine, Duo climbed down, and headed for the break room with Dan in tow. Sitting down in the rough, plastic chairs, and slinging back a few sodas, from the vending machines, Duo tried not to think at all as Dan talked about a local baseball team.
"Excuse me, Mr. Maxwell? I'm Agent Sanders."
Duo started, spilling his can of soda, and Dan scowled and started unfolding his large body from his chair, to confront an official looking man in a Preventer uniform.
Duo glared and didn't get up, as soda slowly dripped over the edge of the table. "I've been cleared of all charges, in the death of Corman, so I'm really not sure why you're here."
Sanders looked around at the dirty walls, and wrinkled his nose at the smell of pulp and sawdust, as he announced, as he handed Duo a folder, "You've been reinstated in Preventers, with an official apology, Mr. Maxwell, per Commander Une's orders."
"Nice," Duo replied as he handed the folder back. "Not interested, though."
Sanders looked perplexed. "You're full rank and position is being reinstated, sir."
"I'm doing pretty well, here," Duo said as he righted his can and nodded for Dan to get him paper towels to clean up the mess. "I'm not giving up, all of this, for some Preventer job."
Sanders blinked, very confused, and then continued, "Charges are pending against Heero Yuy. Commander Une assures you that she is ready to implement a full military court against him, if that's your wish."
"Preventers isn't military, though," Duo pointed out, "and we weren't at war. We botched up a mission. It wasn't all Yuy's fault, you see. At some point, I should have said, 'Fuck you!' and stopped him. He thought he was right. I thought I was right. Une thought that she was right. Since we don't get a second chance to test to see who could have been right, we can only accept that it all went to hell, people died, and that's pretty much that. Heero and I both shouldn't be in Preventers."
"It was Yuy's decision that caused deaths," the man insisted. "He did falsely accuse you. There isn't a gray area here."
"Maybe not to you, but you weren't there," Duo growled as he mopped at the spilled drink with the paper towels. "It doesn't matter, now, anyway. We've both decided to be civilians. I'm not bringing charges against Yuy. He's already made good, by telling everyone how it really was. That's fine by me."
"May I be candid, sir?" Sanders asked, looking uncomfortable.
Duo paused for a moment, not sure, but then nodded.
Sanders looked as if he were at attention as he said stiffly, "A few of us have been of the opinion, that you've all done more than can be humanly expected of anyone, and that you are deserving of retirement."
Duo regarded the man and then snorted, "Is that a way of saying 'good riddance?'"
The man laughed. "In a way. We'd all like our chance to shine in Preventers. That's hard to do when you serve with supernovas."
Duo laughed. "I suppose you're right. So, you'll be glad to go back to Une and tell her my, 'Thanks, but no thanks'?"
"Very much, sir," the man replied and gave Duo a smart salute.
Duo saluted back while Dan looked on with wide eyes. When the man was gone, Dan sat down slowly, as Duo tossed his wet paper towels into the garbage.
"It's easy to forget what you are," Dan told Duo. "when you're elbow deep in grease, just like me."
"I am just like you," Duo told him as he settled in his chair again. "Now tell me about the ball game, I want to know how it ended."
TBC
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TBC
on to chapter six